Angu's Blog

So tired

2012-02-11T12:56:00.001+08:00

I need a shoulder but when I need that shoulder, I can't have it.. My heart is pain.. Where are u?

He says...

2012-02-04T17:35:00.001+08:00

He say until like he dun want to see me like tat.. I miss him go earlier so can see him ma.. I dun juz go eat! Haix.. Always dun understand wat we gals thinking.. Disappointed.. Is like see me is a pain like that... I not even asking him to come bring me go! Haix... In the end after I explain.. He only say take care.. Does he even care how I feel at all?

I dunno......

2012-02-04T01:50:00.001+08:00

I dunno wat I'm depress abt..... Maybe I'm expecting something but in turn I can't get it? Hmmm....

.

2012-01-20T18:48:00.001+08:00

虽然我的问题对你来说并不算什么，可是对一个快要累死的人来说是麻烦又很不想做的。因为你不是当事人所以你不明白。我要当自闭的人。我不说，你就不会知道，你也就不用去了解。我什么都不要去说了。有一点就是当我最需要人的时候，都不会有人愿意陪我，或者刚好他们没空理我。我想有时自己一个人可能会更好。

Stressful....

2012-01-14T15:11:00.001+08:00

Well I'm happy I found a job but suddenly I realise I have so many to do... The work load can be scary... But at least I work and can get money... But my family really horrible.. This morning I wake up I only hear my ah ma scolding me... When I din work stay at home help do housework, she want me go work.. Everyday also scold me ask me go work... Now I work and got go sch, so some days will be late home den she scold me for not doing housework.. Wat she want from me??? Im so tired every single day.. But muz she make it so stress for me??? Haix... Sometimes if can i wish I can juz leave this horrible world and let them be... But I can't becoz I have so many things I haven do... :( life sux!!! I hate my life!!

该放弃的还是要放弃的。。。

2012-01-14T14:03:00.001+08:00

Well lately I have been thinking alot... Baby is not working and using his parents money.. Yet I always use his money.. Not good.. And he dun really save.. I dunno how... Maybe I should stop being so demanding? Like want to eat this ice cream, want to eat that restaurant.. Or demand presents from him... I'm trying to let go on certain things.. It will be a pain becoz everything will change.. He wont treat me to good stuff anymore... On special days I won't get presents anymore... All will be diff alrdy.. I feel like I'm forcing his stingy side out again.. But I have got no choice.. Many many things I have got no choice.. Of coz I want to be like last time happily go out and enjoy wif him.. But all need money.. Now I dun mind spend a little more becoz at least is my money and I willingly want to spend it on him... So I also declare that maybe Taiwan plan also cancel le.. So many things have to cancel becoz I dun want him to carry himself in guilty when he is using his parents money.. A guy I want is he is not stingy but at same time he will save money.. But is hard to find such guys in sg.. Sg guys only have 2 types.. 1 is earn how much spend how much.. 2 is so stingy until he won't get to enjoy anything at all.. So I have to make do it.. Baby actually belongs to the 2nd one.. So if I love him, I have to accept the fact that he is like tat.. He done alot for me for the pass 1 yr so I should do my part too... Sometimes letting go not becoz I feels happy abt it... It juz mean tat I want u to feel happy... 希望我为他做的改变和牺牲他都看得见，会珍惜。

Happy belated 11mths Audi anni?

2012-01-11T01:04:00.005+08:00

Hmmm it's 11 mths since we marry in Audi! So fast time flies.. I noe I always say tat but is true ma.. Is so special tat fate brought both of us tgt even though we were "gays"!!! Well this is the first time our Audi anni din even play tgt in Audi?! D: suddenly got a strange feeling like wat is the point to have high lvl ring and dress so nice when we dun even play tgt anymore?? juz like my cious and mories lor... den all lead to 1 thing which is no choice la baby v tired, me started working le.. Changes is here! I HATE CHANGES!!!!! But im still the one who slp later! Hmmph!!! Aiya wat to do? Need to sacrifice one thing lor... And that has to be Audi becoz really there is nth we can do abt it.. nan dao muz sacrifice even rl meh? NO WAY MAN!!! haiz... Saturday? Was it??? I can't rmb alrdy... I think was the last time we Audi tgt... Horrible rite? Or maybe is Sunday?! Hmmm I have really bad memory but oh well dunno y it feels like we v v v long no play tgt Liao.. Maybe last time everyday den now even 1 day no play also like v long... :( nvm.. I will get use to it... Anyway happy belated 11mths anni baby!! Muz rmb our good old days when we were tgt juz marry and filled wif gayness!!! :)

Baby!!! SarangHaeYo!!!! MUACKS!!! MA BOY FOREVER!!!

2012

2012-01-01T00:51:00.001+08:00

Happy new year!! It's 2012 alrdy!! Manage to cross over to this yr wif baby by my side :) hope this yr will be a wonderful year for us wif no odd stress :) we have to study hard, work hard and also enjoy the time spend wif each other! Of coz I won't forget my family and frenz!!! Wishing everyone to have a smooth year ahead!! :)

:/

2011-12-31T00:43:00.001+08:00

我得要用谅解的心情来体量你。就因为我很爱你。今天的你有在想念我吗？你知道我有多想你吗？一直都在等你的简讯。(T ^ T) 明天就是2012年了。好快我们就在一起10个月了。可以和你一起跨年真是开心啊！希望在新的一年我们可以更爱彼此，更了解彼此！我爱你！

:(

2011-12-30T11:29:00.001+08:00

Praying for a miracle to happen....

I'm at LOST! what should i do? ="(

2011-12-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

i dunno how to put it... but i noe faults are at me... i have no face to face baby and his family anymore....

i tried explain y i got angry ytd but suddenly baby like still dun understand.. i admitted my mistake.. but he din admit it. he think he has no wrong.. so in the end he push fault to me and his mother? i really dunno how to let him noe also.. but yes last time were all my fault as i forbid him alot things. but now im trying to not to say 'no'. so as im typing this blog now, im sort of still arguing wif baby? becoz i din msg him and waited after garden den i intend to drop a msg but he send it to me first so he got angry again. u noe im really at lost, i dunno wat to do.. is like finally his mother accept me but once again i ruin it. i really dunno how to salvage this. maybe his mother is right, my temper wont let him be happy, maybe he leave me den he will be happy... i dunno y i suddenly feels like give up and dun let him be a burger get crush in between his mother and me.. i feel im so useless.. i fail totally.. i din do my part well enough for me to be worthy of him. i want to change, trying hard but y i keep fail? is my determination so weak? or i am juz plain useless until need going to lose him den realise? im so old alrdy y i still behave like this? i wish i can kill myself now, i stay here like causing more prob to everyone. so wat if i have my certs? i fail as a person. it juz make myself feel so disgusted of myself. in the end i juz go on and ruin the hard work tat i have been working on. my retribution i think? for being such a bad person... serves me right den... anyway many many sorries baby for i din do my part well. v sorry... sorry.....

=)

2011-11-26T04:08:00.003+08:00

this is wat baby always done for me. ty baby muacks ^^

hmmm maybe i should blog a little something... well this blog is of coz dedicate to my baby =)

last sunday baby got sick becoz he din take good care of himself. i got so worried. so i sort of push faults to him? i dunno wat to do also becoz i wish he can recover v fast of coz also for a selfish reason! so he can accompany me again! who wont rite? i pay for his medical fee, his watever medicine but of coz in the end his mama paid me back =X but is ok. they return or not i dun mind, i juz wish baby recover well tat is all... being sick is so horrible! so slowly baby's virus pass on to me and i got it! haha im like im only sick for 1 day and after tat i recover alrdy jux tat i still have sore throat till now. but it's ok im strong enuf =) seeing baby recover i felt happy =) more of a relief...

so since now is a new day i should say, ytd baby and i went to expo and we decided to buy mp3 players for ourselves =D although cheap and look like will spoil easily, we still bought it! LOL! make do wif it first ah @@ when i work alrdy i will buy better one for baby! it seems like i have lots of things wanna buy for him haha... maybe too love him alrdy tat is y i want baby to have nice things and best things... im not materialistic, juz wanna teng baby more only becoz baby also v teng me =) becoz i bought the mp3 player for him, he treat me many nice food leh! haha... baby feed me until when my fren first saw me, he said this, "wah ni fa fu le! What Happened to U??!?!?" LOL!!!! haha but me is fa fu dao v happy type LOL! baby's work seems still alot leh. so baby cant slack much yet. more proj to complete! baby u muz jy ah BUT dun OVERWORK urself again!!! i dun want see u fall sick again, i will cry even more let u see!!! =.=!!!

anyway dec is coming!!! means our first xmas is coming!!! hahah im excited!!! =D still preparing for the xmas gift! LOL!!! i juz hope baby will like it @@ and treasure it =X hahaha!!!! ok ok i think is time for me to say good night! baby!! ty for everything and I LOVE U! MUACKS! ^^

zzzz wat nice timing to spoil! fking phone!!

2011-11-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

fk this stupid phone! spoil at a time like this... juz nice my warranty over by 1 month now give me screen cant display de prob! wat's best? my family blame me for this! NICE ONE!!! ty ah for blaming me! and i din even ask them for money wat's there to say so much? not like i want to use their money! $350 is alot i noe.. but do they noe i have so many uses wif my phone? my phone stores my timetable so i dun have to waste money to print the stupid timetable and i can bring it along whenever i go so i dun need worry forget to bring timetable wif me! i also use it to check bus timing... is so convenient so i can catch bus on time... and i can check nearby places got semo.. isnt it convenient for me? when we are outside we normally wont bring along comp de ma... have iphone i can check anytime any place... now spoil i cant see anything, is hardware failure but become i make spoil???? sux to be me! im being blame for everything! same as them, im also an adult, they say wat also ok, i say wat also my wrong! where is the fairness? i feel so unfair! they make me realise im juz a useless person. i cant solve things on my own, i have to folo their decisions... HELLO!!! IS MY PHONE NOT UR PHONE! what if today is ur phone tat spoil??? aiya nvm la to u have or not also nvm becoz u dun use it as much as i do.. but if not for me, u have whatsapp to use? u can send free smses and mms???? hate this fking family! stupid phone also! and stupid apple for making phone warranty for juz 1 yr! all are stupid!!! all fk off and gnd la!! zzzzzzzzzzz

had a long talk....

2011-11-12T02:05:00.004+08:00

today was ok.. until we went staircase and talk... we had lots of talking... when we were talking abt near future, all will be so painful. his tone is as if he is cruel.. is as if he dun want me anymore.. my heart was so hurt. so badly hurt until i cant stop crying... ok i noe he dun mean it tat way but the words so direct. so sharp! eventually i voiced out everything. all tat i bottled up for so long. baby after hearing, sort of understand me.. when be4 he slept, his smses made me cry again. baby really did go think abt wat i said. he understood me.. i was touched.. but wu si de ai does not mean motherly love... it means to love unselfishly... he said he tot abt it and think nth for himself. i also cant think any for myself. im selfish in my own ways too.. but is ok.. i noe we will work it out. at least we are self reflecting...

11-11-11 had pass. but still baby i love u always! u are my one and only love for now and next part of my life.....

oh ya my kopi broke ring recently... my ex seems to dun even want to let me keep a single thing for me... not even a garden to do. how cruel so i found a song which i wish to dedicate to him.... =.=!
LIM ZHEN ZONG! WISH U ALL THE BEST, CRUEL FREAK JERK!

9 months in audi~

2011-11-10T22:05:00.001+08:00

Time really flies~ since we first marry in audi till now, is alrdy 9 months. We went to eat hot tomato today. After tat we went tpy eat some other food. 9 in chinese got a meaning means "long". So hope we really can last long long! So after we got home, is going 9pm. Tot can spend tat time tmm but he had to take photo and upload to fb for his proj. Den after tat we watched mr brown show from my iPhone. Seeing him once lie down jiu abt to fall aslp, I juz asked him slp.. So once he started snoring, my heart felt so heavy. I noe heart will turn out like this but I still wish he can have some rest since he's out whole day. So I dare not ask for anything. But of coz I wish he will at least give me a kiss? Is our anniversary but I din get a single kiss for the whole day :( now he's still slping... Is time I wake him up since is 10 alrdy....

Baby! Get up alrdy!!!!!!

HAPPY 9 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY for audi!

disaster bday!

2011-11-07T01:00:00.002+08:00

i was so excited!!!!! my bday was coming!!! happy until can jump! exam over also!

so last 3 days we went out have fun! but was disaster! baby feel im bad for speaking louder. he cant take it if i got a little pek chek or ji dong and cant control my voice den he jiu think i make him lose face in front of everyone... yes i noe im not good.. i always say in blog tat im bad enuf. all i noe ah! i juz need his little help tat is all... if by pointing fingers at me means give in to me den my uncle do de is semo? im not asking him to do alot also. juz help me thru? if i need time to calm down den let me calm down. i will slowly self reflect. once self reflect done, i will talk properly. this is how i trying to control my voice le also. tat is y im often silent nowadays becoz i need time to think.. but sometimes when i really too pressurize, i will tend to raise voice again! if i can control my prob, it wont be called a prob in the first place liao. but im juz being thrown deeper wif no support. it juz makes me boil even more... i din expect him to say all these to me abt how bad im like. i feel im no diff from those gals outside... those demanding gals! maybe im really no diff from them.. but dun he feel he also got fault? if a prob start, mostly is 2 person faults. if 2 ppl anger and crash tgt, will it even save the r/s? if no give and take, really is gone liao... he expect me to ti liang him but where's my ti liang? he juz feel tat he come pei me from all far places jiu is v xin ku. yes i noe is xin ku! i v appreciate it! i really do! i really really do sense all these and v love him becoz of this. he trying so hard for me. im happy and xin fu... but i juz need a little help he also cant help. im all alone in this situation.. can anyone give me a little helping hand??? =(

ok.. afterall baby is still the one who stay over at my house on eve of my bday and be first to wish me happy bday! im contented.... until in his sms he said this "it is good i stay over also becoz if i 12am din wish u happy bday, i will be so dead!" this sentence also v hurtful. is like im a monster will devour him! i will disappointed but wont go the extent of calling him or sms him to scold him ba! if he wishes me... im more than happy alrdy! becoz my ex din wished me on 12am dot also last time.. in fact he sms me when he woke up! so if he got wish me im v happy le! but that hurtful statement make me feel in his heart im really horrible.. is like im not good enuf to be his gf.. is like he really find im a really terrible person! it breaks my heart! my heart dunno shatter to how many pieces alrdy! maybe into powder form also? plz tell me.. wat should i do? to make him happy? to make everyone ard me happy????

:(

2011-10-26T11:03:00.001+08:00

Today is a public holiday.. Last yr this holiday, we spent time in audi celeb this day happily but this yr is all diff.. Baby is pack wif proj.. He told me he will jy so today he got the whole day for me.. So the last 2 days I ti liang him.. Tolerate his busy and unable to online juz for a whole day wif him today.. But it seems impossible.. His work too much.. Our time to go out and enjoy and tmm was cut short.. I'm at lost again.. V v v tired.. I'm bad? Becoz y should I feel sad and angry for this? He do his work I should be happy isn't it???? :'(

I'm so stupid!

2011-10-23T18:31:00.001+08:00

Y did u even come? Tml is my exam! I wake up earlier to study so when u come at least can take out time to accompany each other.. But wat did I get? I wasted my precious study time on watching u slp! Den u come for wat? Ytd night like this now also like this! Might as well stay home and slp!

I need u...

2011-10-22T18:20:00.001+08:00

Somehow, I wish u were here now... But I can't be so selfish... Im sort of feeling really down... At lost... I'm constantly praying v hard... I feel as though im going crazy v soon... Baby... I need u....... （ｉ _ ｉ）

a sudden plan~

2011-10-19T02:27:00.003+08:00

hmm juz now when baby and i was at staircase there talk, we suddenly talk abt my bday and our cpl ring~ after tat jiu slowly link dao our future liao... all along we were talking abt our future but we din really get to set a real aim for it.. we only aim to marry 7 yrs later or even later than tat.. becoz have to wait baby finish study and ns ma.. so juz now i suddenly tot of something! which i find it to be v nice plan haha... baby say is nice too but i dunno whether he really find it nice or not @@! we plan to ROM be4 baby go NS (this apply only IF he go NS after poly!) so we both no need worry abt running away =D hahaha so ROM liao jiu slowly earn and get a house and eventually get married and settle down lor! yay!! i love this plan! really really hope this plan can come true! so we decided to work towards it! got goal got aim cannot anyhow liao!!! =X im looking forward to that day le and getting all excited! haha.. hope baby also ba.. and hope my this sudden thinking wont scare dao him @@!

lets jy towards our wonderful future ^^v MUACKS!

A CHAT WITH JESUS CHRIST... (im no christian but is nice topic in it!)

2011-10-15T03:54:00.002+08:00

today, i came across a link in fb abt a man chatted wif jesus christ.. is meaningful! a note to all! im not a christian but the words inside i think it not only is abt religious, but it also involve any human out there!!

here it goes:

Jesus: Hello. Did you call me?

Man: Called you? No. Who is this?

Jesus: This is Jesus. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Man: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

Jesus: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Man: Don’t know. But I can’t find free time. Life has become hectic. It’s rush hour all the time.

Jesus: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Man: I understand. But I still can’t figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

Jesus: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Man: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

Jesus: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Man: why are we then constantly unhappy?

Jesus: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That’s why you are not happy.

Man: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

Jesus: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Man: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

Jesus: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Man: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

Jesus: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don’t suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Man: You mean to say such experience is useful?

Jesus: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Man: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can’t we be free from problems?

Jesus: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Man: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don’t know where we are heading.

Jesus: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Man: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

Jesus: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Man: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

Jesus: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Man: What surprises you about people?

Jesus: When they suffer they ask, “why me? When they prosper, they never ask “Why me” Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Man: Sometimes I ask, who I am, why am I here. I can’t get the answer.

Jesus: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Man: How can I get the best out of life?

Jesus: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Man: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

Jesus: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Man: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the day with a new sense of inspiration.

Jesus: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don’t believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Man: Thank you so much.

Jesus: You are always welcome. Have a good day my friend.
" Always remember, God's Word is the Word for YOU ".

well isnt it meaningful? we as humans have to go thru trials juz like how diamond and gold or any other rocks going thru their process! without those trials, we wont grow! it is those trials tat makes us a better person! so dun reject any incoming obstacles! face it and go thru it! at the end of the day, we gain experience and grow too!!

another part which i love the most is, y worry abt uncertainty? indeed im a person we constantly worry abt uncertainty... is hard to dun worry.. but sometimes, all we have to do is juz let loose a bit, relax a bit, do our part well NOW so in prepare for the future, there will be nth to worry abt future let alone uncertainty! so treasure now, do well now, so all will go well!!

these 2 parts is to encourage ppl to work hard, dun always worry abt things and also face all the probs tat is coming at us! baby! u are currently facing such probs! juz rmb! u wont be alone... u have me here helping u also! so jy ok? all these are here to make us to train us into a tougher and stronger person! so we jyjy now!!! hehe!!! ok end of sharing! i shall off alrdy ^^ nite peeps!!

...

2011-10-14T04:40:00.001+08:00

当我真正需要一个人谅解我的时候，没有一个人真的会来了解我！没有一个人真正明白我在想什么。也没有人要去明白！

Haix

2011-10-14T04:15:00.001+08:00

After seeing his fb post den I'm even more disappointed! Yuan lai he think he will be a burden to me! Come on Is juz a garden.. A virtual one somemore! U got sch and got proj to do! Of coz I can understand so I'm doing my part here as well! Not I complain u delay time! Is plz do the right thing at right time! Can do of coz I will allow u to do! But times up wat for drag? Den end up ownself tired den make ppl ard u worried! Worth ma? I noe u mean well wanna do ur part!! All I noe! I'm not dumb! I noe wat u want but of coz have to think wat is need to do and wat not! Alrdy say garden is 2 person de and yes u wish do it too becoz is ours but when one side is unable to do, the other partner will be there as a support! In r/s is all abt trust each other and support each other! Not keep wanting to fulfill ur job only! Is not juz abt only ur responsibility! Is abt being there for each other! I hope u get wat I mean!

im a bad bad bad person!

2011-10-14T03:03:00.003+08:00

it is funny isnt it? i can be nice to a person but always my nice will turn the other way round and make me a bad person... due to this, my best fren told me y should we be good person when in the end we will become bad person in other's eyes... i feel this to be v true! many many times im trying to be nice and care for ppl ard me, but in the end i got blamed, i got scolded, got hated becoz they think i too busybody or dun treasure the time spend tgt!! nice!!!! 好人难做啊！做好人不可以，做坏人也不可以，那我当外星人最好！

anyway i showed baby my tiny bit of bad side juz now.. guess he not v happy ba... becoz i asked him should i be bad person since be good person also so cham.. he replied me he dunno... so i jiu show him lor! i only show ard 30% of my bad nia and i can see he sort of bth liao.. i did warn him though tat no one can tahan my badness... i show him not for wanting him to change his attitude or love towards me... i juz wanna let him compare the good me is better or bad me is better! is obvious ans la! so warning to many many ppl out there!!! dun take my good for granted!! i can be nice but dun make me wanna become bad to u!!!! well to baby leh, i wont be like this la becoz i love him, juz tat i wish he noe, i show him not for in the end let him be scare of me... and becoz i say "bu yao de zui wo, i will make sure u dead" he jiu say sorry if he de zui me... im like =.=! disappointed alrdy! he tot i will treat him this way and cant tahan his prob? if i cant den i pei be his gf? if he really do change his way of treatment towards me, like become he scare of me, become he semo also dun tell me, den i will be v v v v disappointed in him becoz he see me as such person! my real bad side i only show to ppl i HATE! for ppl i care, i wont be so cruel.. words wont so harsh... so baby ah baby, i now can only hope u understand wat im trying to convey to u... i really dun show all these juz for u to hate me and scare of me! haiz.. nvm... this is also a test for him to see if he truly love me and can accept who i really am... hope the result wont be so sad ba...

and today hao sad! baby say will do his work fast de and come in pei me de ma... but who noes need to take so long.. he din even take the initiative to inform me tat he need take sometime.. im waiting and waiting again... is like all the waiting wake up all my painful memories of my past! waiting HURTS!!! i not angry at him becoz he doing his work, is becoz he din inform me... is his responsibility to inform a waiting person isnt it? but nvm... after some games, i manage to cool down a bit... but at the end of the day, thx to one bastard come wasting out tmm time talking nonsense, my anger all come back! my mood and body not in good shape today.. im trying to be calm, to be nice, to make myself feel better but always muz have something happen! hao tired!!! den baby told me, tat bastard was his fren so if he come and they chit chat a bit is it too much? of coz ans is no la... but using the precious time on some useless topic i jiu hen bu gao xing! ya... ya... im selfish again... im possessive again, im throwing bad temper again... being unreasonable again.. nvm... now no matter wat u throw at me, i will admit! becoz im like tat! im bad i noe but im like tat! when i hate a person, im like tat! all of u can hate me, scold me or watever shit! i dun give a damn! becoz im also scolding and hating myself at all times... yes! i look down on ppl! so wat? is becoz i hate u! den i look down on u! for ppl i care, u wat education, got use to this world or not, i wont mind at all.. and yes! wo xiao qi!!! see? all my bad points!!! so in the v beginning, im nvr good!! baby! if u wanna change ur view towards me or treatment towards me, plz let me noe... dun do it on me den tell me... i cant take it... tat is all for tonight..

i shall go slp and revert back to the nice me again?

Looking at u (#^.^#)

2011-10-12T17:41:00.001+08:00

Looking at him slp in the room, although I feel lonely but still feel a bit of xin Fu becoz he is here wif me... I can see he is so tired lor.. He always so busy running here and there.. Feeling guilty and bad.. Ytd baby told me a lot.. Was hurt but I also noe he loves me a lot.. I also love him a lot too.. I wish our love really can last till the end of the world! Hmmm currently he had slp for ard 3 and half hours going 4 hours Liao... Hope this slp can at least replenish back some of his tiredness... :x

(￣^￣)ゞ

2011-10-08T20:46:00.002+08:00

人生有很多苦与乐。老天爷是非常公平的。他可以给你快乐的生活，但他会夺走你的健康。他也可以给你健康，但会给你不快乐的日子。人都是贪心的，要快乐也要健康。不贪心的人，就叫看得开的人。我一直都希望我是属于看得开的人，这样就不会活得那么不满足。啊！我几时才会到这个境界？

suddenly i noe how i was...

2011-10-07T03:44:00.006+08:00

hmmm today evening happen de i wont say la... no point explaining here... the part where be4 baby off jiu got alot to say liao...
well baby made me realise and deepen my guilt today... i all along felt guilty for occupying him too much but im so selfish... so possessive until i snatch him away from his mama... im bad rite? all along i also hate this me... actually i hate myself on everything... becoz i have nth good at all.. im juz one bad person... so as baby talk more, i realise, our r/s is more build on fear now.. baby is afraid of me.. like this how to cont oh... if got fear, will there be love? will our love still be as strong? ok la i admit im fierce but this is my temper... all along i try to change but really v hard.. not say can change jiu change oh.. den i realise all GUYS are afraid of being scold so they rather keep to themselves... den when thing happen liao or the gal find out le den suffer the consequence.. worth ma? i rather they get scold a bit than in the end suffer worse de consequence ma... den now my brain full of baby afraid of me... den maybe some day he wont love me liao.. jialat... i wish i can juz bang myself die le suan le... so i wont see tat day coming... =.=!! not i dun want change also lor... im one stupid possessive idiot... and anger mostly due to being over possessive... stupid rite? im selfish, im possessive, im bad tempered! wat else ah? oh i noe! im lazy! zzzz.... im full of bad points oh! now i lost confidence in myself alrdy... im such a bad gf... not fit to be baby's baby liao... yuan lai wo yi dian hao chu dou mei you.. if one day baby really dun want me, also i deserve one! haiz.... nvm... im trying... so hope really will succeed ba... maybe slowly bit by bit... so confidence come back to me NOW!!! without u, i cant work on my bad points!!! arghh! wo hen fan! hen mao dun! wat should i do? OR SHOULD I DISAPPEAR!!?!!
ok nvm... end of story... moral of story is, ERICA IS A BAKA! IDIOT!! the end~

anyway~ a song to share~

Lyrics:
你做了选择对的错的
我只能承认心是痛的
怀疑你舍得我被伤的那么深
就放声哭了何必再强忍

我没有选择我不再完整
原来最后的吻如此冰冷
你只能默认我要被割舍
眼看着你走了

如果这不是结局如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信你就是唯一
如果你听到这里如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

灰色的天空无法猜透
多余的眼泪无法挽留
什么都牵动感觉真的好脆弱
被呵护的人原来不是我

我不要你走我不想放手
却又不能够奢求同情的温柔
你可以自由我愿意承受
把昨天留给我

如果这不是结局如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信你就是唯一
如果你听到这里如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

wat?

2011-10-01T19:39:00.002+08:00

"i want do something but u dun want, now become delay my sleep time..."

from the above statement, wat can any of u see? can i dun misunderstand? later part added a statement:

"i not blaming u.."

isnt this contradicting? after quarrel a lot den add:

"forget it, nvm me..."

wow! is like u use a knife stab a human chest den say forget it, nvm abt wat i did...

well as u can see this person is v mao dun... he dun want let me noe his plan den later tell me y should he tell me everything and say he tot we promise not to bottle everything up and tot can tell me everything but as u can see the way he express it, it juz cr8 more misunderstanding... he also din let me noe he going visit his grandpa, if i noe i would at least do some changes rite? den he later expect me to noe wat he want and wat he will do... nice? and when i care abt him, he juz say y i muz be like this and have this mindset of not folo-ing his ways.. hmm true la i v rebellious one so i dun really folo but actually many times i did folo de juz tat he did not really see it only... when he told me he wanna do something, i actually foloed thru? like if he want guitar, i folo, he dun want chips, i folo without much of a complain except for guitar will complain hand sour, but i still manage to pull thru...

today me wake up wif bad mood becoz grandparents quarreling, i still try to stay cheerful oh.. last time de me if in audi i wont put emoticons ba but today i did, i try be v active, v cheerful but too bad baby step dao landmine end up exploded... hmmm actually if he phrase his words in a nicer way, i think i wont explode dao v jialat ba.. becoz i really did try my best the whole day to be happy due to one happy event.. dun wanna spoil it totally... i juz hope he would tell me things in a nicer way and dun juz last min bomb me thing... i sometimes cant take it de... this he noe de la.. if he also last min noe den bo bian lor i wont blame him de.. juz will whine abit jiu ok le..

so i went out eat my dinner, i din really get his msg though so no reply him, can see he worried la becoz he called me to make sure im ok.. i feel touched by this la.. at least he still care for me... den he told me he wont be going to visit grandpa liao and sorry for wat happen... he ask me if im ok, i said im ok wif tears in my eyes =.=! stupid me... so now he is resting i assume, slping most likely.. so see him later lor if he can wake up...

so i should forget this unhappy event after spamming it all here and be happy tat i pass my love party for the event i think... so i now go relax abit~

Hmmm...

2011-09-28T02:37:00.001+08:00

Well today I had my main max ring! Nice ring leh haha! But after tat jiu get a news from my audi cpl tat we may not be able to cont on tat often means ring will be stuck le lor.. Hmm nvm I will still tc garden to gain love point la.. Dun want get max jiu Mia... I dun aim tat oh.. Plus she was the one who worried I won't online after get max -.- but who noes she is the one doing it to me... Haix sort of sad but nvm... I got baby wif me :) my audi cpl told me she got some prob so since she say dao like this I also no choice have to ti liang her lor.. Juz feel v sad tat 2yrs of effort like going down drain? :( oh den I sot le! I dun wanna hide anymore!!! Baby last time de audi cpl come into the room talk to me oh den baby also come and in the end I think she noe everything le!! I feel more at ease also becoz I dun wanna hide le! Be myself once again! Is baby give me this courage to do so ^^ So we shall jy for the upcoming event !!! :D

1st time ever!

2011-09-27T04:13:00.003+08:00

on 25th sept, baby and i went to watch F1 tgt hoho!!! my papa gave me 2 passes so i can go watch for free!!! weeee.... there are so many ppl there and full of exp goods =.=!!! 1 small cup of beer cost $9 leh!!! siao?? epic "cheap" zzzz... anyway after the show we went cube 1 hr to kill time =O juz brings back memory of me and baby first meeting ^^ movie le den cube tat time hahaha!! sweet ^^v so ard 11 plus we reach home lor and see so late hor baby decide to stay over =D so we spent the night tgt in my room watch movie and den slp!! hoho!!! the feeling of having him beside me is so nice! v xin fu! hahaha... for the first time ever my bf stay over leh and slp beside me ^^ but we gave each other presents hahaha.. we snore!!!! hahahahaha... epic leh!!! =X so when i wake up i see dao baby i felt so bless!! so wanna say i love my life becoz i have baby beside me once i open my eyes!!! XD den of coz today whole day baby pei me lor... we nua at home makan den go down walk walk abit... hehe... so until night baby den go back... when at staircase there, we chat ma den i so she bu de baby oh.. is like y time fly so fast when wif him T_T nvm la later will see him again de =O oh oh and baby dun phobia ah =X i noe u say u not really phobia la but i still feel hao bad oh... sorry baby for causing u have such bad experience =(

ok for audi leh im v sad la becoz i have a main ring tat is MAX alrdy and can get rdy to love party liao but my tat cpl is mia mia mia so oh well... i dunno if those are excuses for not online but she is always not rdy so i wont take tat out of my mind... if she wanna cont like this i might do it alone and dun want care her liao! i did so much not for her to do this to me oh =( haiz... ok nvm me and baby de ring got move i jiu v happy le =D
kk muz end here le... muz slp if not later tired @@ and tml need wake baby up!

nth~

2011-09-23T00:29:00.002+08:00

next week last week of sch le!!! im happy for it yet im not happy as well... happy is finally can rest from sch... not happy is becoz 2 weeks is for study and exam lor... so after exam jiu rest a while jiu need find job le =( student life will be gone le!!! ewww!! den today suppose go sch de ma end up forget bring wallet... sooo.... i decided not to go sch since im alrdy soooooooooo late =.=!!! bad me!! but end up go bugis wif baby lor eat and eat like no tml... =/ is it i too stress wif certain things? im starting to eat like a pig again and worry like some ah siao again... zzzz... wat am i trying to aim wor... haiz.... den now my mood start to swing again... im suppose to be happy de ma y become so moody all over again leh? wat la me... diao... kill me kill me kill me =.=!!! ok spam finish liao... now back to audi slack =O

Messy tots!!

2011-09-21T02:52:00.001+08:00

Y are human so pathetic? Once lover but after brk, we are total stranger? 2 and half yrs of r/s become "pretend we dunno each other"! Is really pathetic!! So wat? U owe me so much I din ask them back, left me a few photos will kill u?? -.-!!

Well other issue too complex... Totally hard to say... We all noe certain things are so wrong yet we still go towards tat direction... In the end hurt ourselves.. ESP me! Y am I so stupid?? And we sense each other feelings thru a v wrong way? V sad ? Baby told me he is closer to me, sense every of my feelings.. Is good but thru wrong method jiu a bit dots la... But is ok I accept the fact..

Well Also I feel promise are Juz lame thing? We give promise yet we brk them! Wat is this? Den make promise for??? Suddenly I woke up into reality and realize I myself is the main culprit!! Oh gosh!!! Y am I sooooooooo soooooo sooooooooo brainless? -.-!!! Oh well really no turning back alrdy... Wats done can't be undone so let's move on....

mix feelings~

2011-09-20T03:04:00.004+08:00

suddenly realise there are many mistakes tat i made... i feel bad... and of coz at lost becoz nth was left for me u see.! lots of worries when baby say is ok dun worry... baby console me, talked to me but i really feel as if im one bad person who is so selfish. but there is really nth i can do abt it... like no turning back also? y am i so stupid? where my mind go le? y i started all these? create worry and prob to myself? at first are happy events la... but gradually jiu odd liao leh... wat can i do now?

this note i find online actually reflects wat baby told me today! as long im happy, he will be happy... hope this is really wat it will be... =/

anyway baby treasure me i can see oh.. he say he always happy happy but i noe deep down there is something there which he cant really be happy... such things bottle up long le will turn bad de leh... will tat day come? im praying hard it wont lor... our feelings and r/s finally come this far and so happy le... i juz dun wish to see anymore sour events... cant afford to lose him at all... hmmm....

baby ah baby... im sorry... lots of sorry!!! =( dun ever leave me alone hao ma? =(

baby rmb "quan bu shi ni de" so dun brk it!

bliss! bless! i luv u ^^

2011-09-18T04:17:00.002+08:00

today baby and me went to watch johnny english and we laughed like mad! esp baby! he cant stop laughing at all! was a v v v v funny and lame show!!! v worth the money! =D den another thing made me happy was tat when baby was at my house, he called me "baby" in real life leh!!! im like! wow!!! for the first time in this half yr, he first time call me "baby" in real! im really really shock when he call me tat... even though is soft but i heard him.. well i din call him tat in real also =X bad me... im too shy la =( shy go away T_T

oh ya ytd's entry i forgot add something... got one issue made me so happy also! hehe... always im the one ask baby and tell baby say want make cpl ring... last time at first i suggest say on his bday or my bday go make but he say mai becoz is bday ma y go get a 2 person de thing... so i jiu suggest say valentine next yr we go make one... he jiu say ok lor... but ytd!!! baby actually ownself ask me if we should go make a cpl ring... maybe on my bday... den im like diao at first becoz he was the one who say mai make on bday or semo de ma... but happy still cover the diao la... hehe.... but we too budget le... so i jiu say next valentines ba... but happy becoz is like finally baby fully accept me? like want tie me wif him le??? =X hehe!! too happy liao!!!

hmmmm im enjoying all the happy moments now ! really wish all these wont change till the end of our lives... i juz wanna stick to him... i dun want to be separate away from him... now he is my everything! baby! i love u ^^ MUACKS! hehe!! anyway baby haven sms me sia... wonder if he wake up go work liao? =/ waiting waiting waiting!!!

little message to baby =)

2011-09-17T03:52:00.004+08:00

recently, baby and me getting closer and closer... i love this wonderful moment... i HOPE it will last FOREVER!!! i PRAY it will last FOREVER!!! i can sense baby really treasure me... all my ex couldn't understand de, baby all can understand... is so wonderful! the way he love me, the way he want to proof to me how much he love me... i can sense them all!! in my 4 r/s, this is the v first tat make me feel like this... now i finally understand wat is really being love by the one i love... is such a bliss feeling! nth can describe this feeling! ONLY 1 WORD! "LOVE"!!! baby! ty for loving me, ty for choosing me, ty for accepting me! i love u lots! really lots! ty for all tat u have done for me =) and ty for all the words u told me juz now! ty for everything! MUACKS!!! my life have added more colors! lets treasure our time tgt and work towards our goal =)

Lantern festival! ☆:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:☆

2011-09-13T12:58:00.001+08:00

ytd was fun!!! I carry baby's mooncake, lantern and my bag all the way to yishun to find him eat lunch Wif his parents! The 2 angry birds so huge and round haha!! So after lunch we went ntuc to shop a bit den go imm shop! Bought dao gei and xiao bai Cai for juz $1!!!! Cheap cheap o(^▽^)o so we cont to shop ah at imm! Oh ya!!! We found tulip!!!! OMG my fav flower (o^^o) but 3 for $10 -.-!!! Lalala!!! So we ate desserts den eat dinner.. We decided to go Chinese garden to ti deng long but end up we reach there see need pay!!! Adult $12 sia!!! So we u-turn lor back to Tpy better hehe!!! We on our lantern and the mix music made me so headache and irritated -.-!!! Maybe is becoz I'm alrdy sick ba.. Headache whole day and block nose @@!! Wat a pain!! Oh ya we shared a moon cake too and wanna Shang yue de but so cloudy!!! When going home den manage to see a blur moon :x tat was how we spend our day Ytd! Was fun and tired haha... Hope everyday also so fun!!

=(

2011-09-12T02:37:00.003+08:00

=( oh how terrible!!! how many more blows am i gonna get? well i noe is a no choice but still really upset... ring seems so stuck so suddenly... not moving much at all... well not abt ring also... is abt baby's mom hurt her leg and make him need to go work in replace of his mom... im sad of coz as night time i will be all alone again... he have to slp early becoz he have to wake up super early... means he also cannot late home lor.. =( he finally holiday le leh but y still seems so stuck in everything? is god playing a fool out of me? so many things within a week.. how am i gonna accept all the probs and sudden changes? time is running out yet probs are created again and again, more and more each time.. i always have to put myself in his shoe.... always have to think abt other ppl.. but truly when den can i think for myself? when can i get something i want? when can i not get all such probs? im tired of everything tat happen.. y is life hitting so hard on me now? wat have i done wrong? almost everyday i have to go thru pain? almost everyday i muz shed tears? when i finally move on, immediately another thing will pop up and disrupt everything! y is this so?? y? y? y? juz y????? when will i truly walk out of such things?? when will such things stop happening to me? every happenings are slashing my heart... one heal, another come in... my heart nvr stop bleeding! plz!! god i beg u!! plz!!! i dun want such!!! plz turn my life back to nice time!!! wif baby!!! i dun want to be left alone like this! i dun want to quarrel wif him like this! plz i beg u!!! T_T

steamboat....

2011-09-11T02:14:00.004+08:00

today baby came early and we went to buy steamboat ingredients tgt wif my aunt and sis... we enjoyed shopping tgt! after done, we went buy our lunch and go back to aunt's house to eat, rest and prepare for evening's steamboat! we slept on my aunt's new red sofa! was cozy and wind was nice as this afternoon got rain... but i sleep dao headache oh!! so i cant tahan wake up eat panadol! @@!! after eat liao jiu not slpy le so started talking wif my aunt and baby... den my cousin bully baby hahaha!! so funny scene... i took lots of photo for memory =D and they look so alike tgt hahaha... den ard 4 plus we went to tampines to buy mooncake so i can bring them to baby's mama as a gift =) crowded ttm tat is y i hate to go tampines on weekend =.=!! nvm we bought shangri la mooncake!!! hahaha branded oh!! =D so we went to shop abit more den go home lor.. after tat lots of preparation to do... baby and me need make the table bigger by pulling here and there! so tired leh!! =.=!! nvm good exercise though.... so ah ma they all come le jiu makan start!! baby ate 2 bowls of rice! yay!! see baby eat alot i v happy la but seems like over feed liao haha... den my aunt ask me dun over feed wait my baby dun want me becoz i keep push him eat... diao? ok so after dinner, we ownself go home lor... on train and bus!! sweet journey haha!! so when reach my house here, still she bu de oh!!! esp me hmmph!!! i keep hug and hug baby!!! i sooooo love hug baby de!!!! hahaha... one reason being i love to hug hug la! feel secure! den baby got tell me something which i start to worry oh!!! but lets not think abt it as we wont noe how it will turn out to be @@!!! hope not bad on both of us de lor!! den of coz when baby go home, we sms alot and v happily =D until when he done bath! HMMPH!!! he forgot abt me !!! D= sad eh! baby cannot forget me de hor!!! ur forget abt me will make me worry abt my status wif u =( and seems like u will like start to forget abt me also? eeeks!!! dun let tat happen!! im scared!!!! ="( den baby slpy prob seems worse and worse de... nth to do sure fall aslp liao!! omg!!! intend to ti liang but become worse? haiz.... so he cant blame me oh!!! he also muz use his brain to think do semo de ma!!! diao!!! so now we in audi and i v bad throw him aside and blog here @@!!! i want blog all happenings so later offline can straight slp!!!!

anyway i suddenly realise, i actually haven recover from the hurt at all... mind constantly think dao wat happen and wat baby said to me! OMG plz forget them!!! aaaaa.... at first is baby say want slp so ya i let him, cannot disturb if not he sure angry at me... now let him slp he jiu say y he even come over? do nth he bth will fall aslp... im like wow!!! jing tui liang nan!! okok!!! nvm also pass liao!!! back to audi!!!!

=)

2011-09-09T22:36:00.003+08:00

since ytd's matter, i tot if i went to slp, and once i woke up, i will feel better or forget the matter... today, i woke up wif super puffy eyes! my eyes can hardly open... puffy until can see double eye lid! as for my heart, was still heavy... still aching... still broken.. but of coz i felt much better than ytd... i told myself i muz cheer up, at least dun be too down... becoz matter had pass.. so let it pass.. so yea, today met him and spend quite nice time too =) but constantly, im reminding myself not to be selfish, muz think for him, muz be reasonable... so ya in the end today ended nicely too... we chatted, laughed and joke so all seems ok... juz now when i sent him off, we hugged and he asked me wat i was thinking.. actually really nth much, juz reminding myself not to be bad and such and be cheerful.. and tml we will meet again for steamboat at my aunt's house.. so he have to come earlier and go buy ingredients tgt... so tonight he cant slp late alrdy... i said nvm as i noe he need to have enuf rest.. and i think i said some trueful words out which i dunno if i even should say... i said i dun want force him anymore... i said it out becoz i tot of ytd matter which i was hurt badly but din said it out intentionally.. so hope baby dun mind... i juz wish we can be peaceful again... but i noe we cant really return to 5months ago when we juz cpled and so sweet.. when we were at tpy park today, i can really see the diff.. no more hugs from him.. no more kiss from him... but is ok... i noe he still loves me and of coz i love him too! love is like this, stages to pass thru to reach final goal... so i will jyjy more wif him to work our way out =)

..............

2011-09-09T04:23:00.002+08:00

ok so turn out im the evil one.. and alot of miscommunication... now i hate myself even more... i really tot my heart will stop aching but suddenly it got worse.. now my heart so heavy, so ache, so sour, so bitter... still bleeding? i will let all pass but can my heart at least stop all the aching? is making me dizzy... is there medicine for heart broken?? or can i dig my heart out and throw it away? y human muz love? y human muz heart broken? y i muz make myself step into this pain? love is so strong! it can make u feel as if u are the queen! it can make u sink deep down to the bottomless pit! how sad! once again, i feel like throwing my aching heart away... go away pain! juz go away! GO AWAY!!!!!!

anyway baby sorry and ty...

心烂了吗? 坏了吗?

2011-09-08T23:53:00.004+08:00

刚从家里的厕所出来... 我并不是在里面大小便... 我在里面痛哭了很多场! 哭得很出力, 哭到快断气了! 拼命的哭!!!! 哭到心都要哭出来了! 心真的很痛!! 就像被一万把刀刺到烂掉! 心也就像被撕到西八烂!! 真的烂了, 碎了! 完了!!

nvm... he is too insensitive to his words.. tat is y end up always sound like is my fault... or could be is im the one over sensitive ba!! nvm really nvm... i shall forget this matter... like i say learn to let go!! really muz let go of all the pain! so i can move on and be happy again... im sure he will learn some day so i shall wait till tat day come when he noe how to phrase his words properly... he still young also... so need slowly guide... will be ok! all will be ok!! ping!! u muz jy!!! so this r/s can go further!!! GAMBATTE!!!! and thx to a fren! who talk me thru!!! ty so much!! muacks!!! =) i will cheer up even more now!!! =) for now i still will think our time tgt is precious! so i will treasure it!! even if is do nth! i also will love the time spend tgt!!

~~~~~

2011-09-08T03:09:00.003+08:00

baby bday ended! can see he enjoyed himself and ate alot alot! happy to see him like this... happy enjoying... =) wif tart, food court food, fried ji and dinner at his house wif his birthday cake! wow alot!!! =X but overall v ok la ahahaa....

我今天也很开心! 可是一直有一个魔在心里... 还是很难受的.... 我一直在告诉他我好想他多陪我一些! 他似乎都没在意我说的话... 似乎他以不在乎见不见得到我了... 是因为见太多次面才会忽略和彼此见面的时光??? =( 我没发脾气因为是他的生日... 只想要他开心所以就算了, 没多说.. 只是提醒他我们能在一起的时间快要不多了... 等到我年底就真的要去找工作了... 到那时候要见面都有一点难了... =( 他只是听听就算了... 我问了他一整天同样的问题, 到了晚上, 我再问他明天要几点来找我, 他还是说一个很晚的时间... 听了很难受啊! 但是, 很多事不能强求的... 他不愿意,我也没办法啊.. 然后我记得他刚才在看电视时跟我说的话... 人要懂得放开和看开... 我知道啊...可是他们知道吗? 我会学着放开不代表我会开心... 很多时候, 人往往都用自己的开心来换另一个人的开心啊! 也就是说, 放开也只是来换另一个人的幸福或开心... 他也是一样的... 很多次也是有用自己的开心来换我的开心... 我都看得见... 所以当他告诉我见面的时间时, 心里难受无比, 结果还是放下了... 只为了不想给他压力... 人为什么会想念人呢? 如果不懂什么是想念, 人生会是怎么样的呢? 会不会比较快乐????

anyway now baby's happy is still most impt... i really really dun want to quarrel wif him again... it hurts alot! and spoil our r/s.. really v unhealthy... i juz hope our meeting wont be v v v v worse after i started working... =/ ok is time i end this emo thing! i should really learn how to let go.. i noe is hard but i still will try.. juz hope wont turn out to be the way when i wif my ex... learn to let go until really let go =/ becoz i really really want to walk the rest of my life wif him... ok i shall slp! really!! no more emo!!!!! ok good nite! D:

happy 18th birthday baby!

2011-09-07T02:17:00.002+08:00

is finally baby's birthday!!! baby turn 18 le!!!! wooo hoooo!!! happy birthday baby!! heard from baby im the v first person who call him and say happy birthday to him on 12am!!! somemore is from gf hehe!! i feel so happy also... and im so glad my mood is much better le!!! i muz keep to this tat i muz not be angry no matter wat!!!! D: dun want ruin baby's birthday u see... =X ok end of entry~!! juz nice comp also update finish!!! weeee slp time!!!!!!! =D

aiya!!!!

2011-09-06T22:14:00.003+08:00

today ah still mood bad one.... i want smile but cant!!! eeeee!!! i also dunno wat i unhappy abt... i also dunno wat i want at all.... hmmmm..... den hor slowly i realise my time management sux!!! and i dun have enuff time at all!!! i need to study, proj, housework, gaming, dating.... ewww... next time plus work!! worse!!! =.=!!! 24 hours a day really is not enuf at all!!!!! den i find this week also v v v bad... time wif baby soooooo little!! even sunday also gone! our tmm time too short!!!! haiz.... @@!!! even though baby wrote in audi diary tat he holiday can spend more time wif me but seems not the case? @@!!! im busy ttm!!! i may have to go sch or stay in sch more often for proj work... time time time time!!!!! i need grab more time!!! den baby told me instead of want more time, y not treasure the time given... im like ya im trying!! but still too short!! im greedy!! i want more!!!! D: and today i feel so damn bad again... baby come yet he do nth but slp and play phone games all becoz im doing my proj... i wanted to go out today de but seems cant at all so feel v guilty for ask him come den make him do nth... y like tat ah!!! once suay really suay ttm!!! even in fb also got ppl comment on my post scolding me =.=!! wat the hell??? suay ah suay when u gonna go away???? i cant take it liao la!!! bang wall??? many times i wanna juz disappear into thin air or juz vanish!!! wat is the use of me being in this world when i have no contribution at all??? when im trying my best dun emo but the feeling pull me deeper and deeper... when i try my best dun feel lonely, the feeling also grab me deeper and deeper... den when i want to do something rite, all came out not rite! wat la.... so wat i plan alrdy? come out all mess all ruin =( noooooooooooooooooooooooooo life sux!!!!! arghhh...... i wish i can juz be gone!!! forever!!!

~baby's advance bday dinner~

2011-09-06T03:33:00.004+08:00

today baby had his last exam for this semester! and he will have holiday le!!!!! he seems sooooo happy!!! of coz i feel happy too and according to baby he this time seems do quite well? im happy for him!! but due to some mood swings, my mood like odd one... dunno y... i should be happy but like got something crushing and pressing onto my heart like making me cant happy? hmmm... maybe is gals' mood swings!!! ok should be! anyway we went to watch smurf today!! free de becoz my aunt gave me coupon which can redeem 2 free movie tickets ^^ and tat movie hao nice oh!!!! is abt being wif ur family, stick tgt forever no matter wat happen! love this storyline and cute little smurfs ^^

den after movie we went to yishun eat dao hui~ is nice and i miss it so much!!! 1mth no eat alrdy!! omg!!! finally i get to eat it again!!! next time i wanna eat the nasi lemak!!! den done liao, we went to baby's house waiting for dinner outing! we waited till 7plus pm until everyone are back from work or rdy from anything den set off.. went to eat Thai food! not bad though... esp the honey chicken and the fish maw soup and the fried fish!!!!! the pineapple rice also not bad la but becoz i today like indigestion so end up after done dinner, my tummy was so horrible!! v odd and bloated feeling! feel like vomit! @@!!! so dinner done, baby's parents jiu send us to mrt station... baby sent me home like every other time and we hugged abit be4 baby go back home...
oh ya be4 eat dao hui, my uni classmate called me ask me if wed can stay back do proj... den im like v fast say ok to her... den after i kup phone, i realise wed is baby's actual bday!! im like OMG!!! den i started scolding myself, "wtf am i doing? 1 mth ago i was so happy becoz baby's bday fall on the day i end sch earliest! so i can pei him the whole day! but den y today i suddenly forget abt it? am i stupid? y the fk would i forget such an impt date?" i felt like crying the whole time and feeling even more down... how can i forget? arghh!!! i hate myself the whole day till night time when we play audi! baby keep say nvm nvm nvm but i mind leh! is like this yr is baby's first yr tat got gf pei him for bday and i RUINED it! =.=!!! bday present alrdy so omg now the actual bday also like shorten by me!! ewww!!!! i wanna make it nice to rmb for baby de leh!! i even planned hao want go vivo eat the nice tart tat i always crave for and den go our last time tmm de spot to tmm abit? haiz but now see la!!! time so limit how la!! at night baby still need go back home cut cake wif his parents... cant be he late home and make everyone wait for him ba!! zzzzzz..... im so useless!!! STUPID!!!! anyway after some spamming of keys in audi, i did felt better as in wont too moody le but still feel super guilty =(

baby im sooo soooo sooooooooo sooooooooo sorry!!! T_T i noe u nvm abt it but still i want say sorry!!! T_T

my last looking back... sweet song~

2011-09-04T03:31:00.003+08:00

plz allow me to look back for the last time... my memories!

this is the song tat i will rmb for life! a song tat brought the both of us tgt 6mths ago... the song tat played thruout the night till early morning, all becoz u wanted juz to pei me longer~! all becoz the both of us "bu she de" offline~! i will nvr forget... all the sweet memories wif this sweet song....

anyway baby happy belated 6th months anni! i love u! and hope the love letter u wrote me 5mths ago is still valid... our love will nvr "dan diao".... thx for the nice headphone, i will keep it dear to me! and treasure the keyboard for at least 1 yr? next yr when i earn, i will buy a better one for u...

love u forever,

ur baby

D:

2011-09-01T22:29:00.002+08:00

hmmm... many days din post here liao... had many ups and downs again... quarrel, happy, upset, all also have la... we had 2 picnics within 2 weeks and was fun becoz our meals v yummy! and of coz many memories cr8 from those 2 picnics~ we ride cpl bike, we cr8 mini tent out of 2 umbrellas becoz of raining.... enjoyed sea breeze and strong winds tgt! quarrel many diff issues also... and sometimes wat he said made me realise how lousy i am... how selfish i am... how disrespectful? well... nvm la all past le... tml will be our half yr tgt... is a wonderful day becoz not everyone can even reach half yr... i suddenly rmb my 1st half yr wif my ex... was lonely becoz he din want to meet me tat time.. was upset... so of coz i hope tml wont be like this but today suddenly baby told me his mama wanna him go msia tml.. at first i forgot abt tml is our half yr... when i suddenly rmb, my heart sank... =( i tell myself i cannot be so selfish... he cannot always juz stick me... his parents need him too.. heart heavy~ cant smile even though baby tried so hard making me smile.. feel bad but i really dunno how to smile leh =( den i jiu ask myself, "y cant i juz smile for him? no matter how also muz smile la if not 'gu fu' baby's hard work leh" and den i go "arggghhh im so stupid! y muz i let him feel im down? y muz i feel so down for such matter?" den i cant stop scolding myself for being so lame =.=!!! den night time baby seems to noe so he say tml he dun go, come pei me den got many fri can go pei family... den i tot... wah i tot, "i finally clear my sunday liao so can become meet 6 days a week but seems like no fate for it? still 5 days?" den i start scolding myself again for being so damn selfish becoz baby hardly can go msia wif parents y muz i be so possessive!!! stupid me!!! i hate myself!! no matter how many bu she de i also MUST SHE DE!! think and think tears drop down again... i dun want baby to say i control him, i dun want baby say i dun respect him, i dun want baby say i too possessive of him until he cant do the things he want to... PLZ CHANGE!! I DUN WANT THIS ME!! I HATE THIS ME!!! HELP!!!!!

ups and downs again!

2011-08-22T02:25:00.004+08:00

hmmm today v fun day actually becoz went to east coast park for picnic wif baby... den suddenly see got new lifestyle bike? so we got the urge to want to try it out but who noes it is so exp... ard $30... so in the end we rented a cpl bike... tot it would be nice but it made our butt so painful.. and drain alot of our energy.... hmmmmm still a good experience though... becoz we were doing it tgt..

den evening ard 6 plus we go home le... too tired den when reach my house, we both juz nua on the floor and slp! tired ttm... even though we were tired, we still feel v happy... esp me! i have so many things tat im facing so going to the beach is the best choice as i love to enjoy the sea breeze and let the breeze blow away all my sorrows and worries... after baby went back, i jiu start uploading the photos taken into my fb... all his looks so funny and as i upload, i cant stop smiling... i noe i have him wif me tat is y i feel so bliss now... =)

so we started audi again... den when we were doing cbp, he complained abt his sister taking his mouse... sooooo,.... i gave him some advise and tell him the reason y like tat do will benefit but leh, he juz say this and tat, say he will ownself find solution.. ok lor i dun comment le lor since he like find me annoying like tat.. lately i can see la like if i talk too much or comment too much, he will find me annoying and tend to attitude me... he's the one who told me to tell him reason for my advise or things i want him to do so he can take in the advise or listen to them but now leh, he seems dun even want to see my reason at all... and becoz of this he almost everyday have to say sorry to me.. this is not wat i want to see... i v scare he turn out like my ex... when i say dun listen, things happen den regret this and tat... hmmm maybe i should not think too deep into it ba as sometimes those issues not related to me also... juz hope baby will think carefully ba... =/

below is a picture which i find it v v true and meaningful~

:/

2011-08-17T19:42:00.004+08:00

Hmmm... Today I done my first class test... Have been quite stress for a few days and finally I can rest a little.. Den as usual baby will come find me after his sch.. And as usual, he will slp... Sometimes I wonder am I last in his list? Seems like his slping comes first... Can't he forego his slp and accompany me? And lately our SMS also less alrdy... Like nth much to say alrdy... Is like going towards the path me and my ex gone thru.. Den eventually no SMS at all... Will this happen to me and baby??? T.T I'm afraid of this stage... Even though he still come and find me but we talk less and all he do is slp... Y won't he stop slping? Accompany me a little also v hard? After test I hope he can console me, hug me, or give me a little kiss? I only see him slp... Yes I noe I napped and he haven but sometimes I also no nap and wanna pei him ah... but I really dunno y.. All he does is slp... Even he come juz now he also like dun feel like pei me at all.. I expect him to open the door and come in to wake me up and talk to me or hug me a little... I dun want much, I only want him pei me..... :"(

Baby will u stop slping and wake up to pei me??? We only meet for tat few hours stop slping alrdy... Like I said time lost can't return... Can u treasure our time tgt??? T.T I'm waiting for tat miracle to happen :(

hmmm... wat should i do?

2011-08-13T02:23:00.002+08:00

hmmm ever since baby sick and he slp alot alot, he sort of cant tahan tired liao.. little late only jiu cannot make it liao.. last time he got like this worse de but become better le la but this sick make him back to easily tired again... although not as worse as last time but still quite bad... =( we no longer have the time to tmm liao becoz after done cbp he jiu straight off and slp le... last time he play dao 5am also not tired but now not even 1.30 he alrdy cant liao.. complain tired.. he ask me ti liang him... i did but im not so da fang dao everything also can tolerate.. weekdays i alrdy give him time and will shoo him off but nowadays i no need shoo him le becoz he by 1.30 jiu really cmi want off le... so no choice becoz next day got sch de ma... but juz now baby argue wif one of my fam member den jiu become so energetic, ton dao 5! wow? and gain alot love point =) hmmm.... maybe like tat lor... baby body weak cannot force also... =(

today went outing wif poly frenz watch zookeeper.. the show ok la got funny part but also got boring part so okok lor... den see dao hui and bf pic in fb so sweet hahah!!! nice leh =D our man man pai de gal gal finally found her happiness le ^^ so happy for her!! hehe!!! muz xin fu oh!!!

den baby told me he dream abt a gal seduce him? im like so depress after hearing.... den i wonder is it he start find me sian liao? den start dream dao got gal seduce him? ok im v bullshit =.=!! but scary ok!! =( ok nvm im sooo damn tired i want slp liao! good nite ah!!!

sorry....

2011-08-09T03:11:00.002+08:00

sorry i shoo u off yet i cont to do cbp... not tat i enjoy to gain lp alone but i juz hope u can get enuf rest and faster recover... plz hate me if u want.. i wont say anything... juz want to let u noe, yes im hurt but no matter how hurt i still loves u... and ty for ur effort today. rest well.. recover fast den we can enjoy tml tgt for in advance for our audi 6th month anni... may god bless u fast recovery wif no more suffering...

baby i love u...

forever and ever.....

......

2011-08-08T23:30:00.003+08:00

ytd, went to visit baby becoz i still worried and v v miss him.. want to see if he got better.. want to see if he eats well... when i saw him, i realised he really lost weight.. heart so pain.. y muz he fall sick like this.. he is suffering... but compared to last fri, i can see he was so much better and i felt a bit of relieve... he still does not have the appetite to eat yet... eating everything v little and slow.. im worried.. i noe he juz recovered so appetite will tend to be not v good but really heart ache to see him like this.. nth can describe the pain... nth...

den today baby came to find me.. he seems better but he still does not eat much.. i can see he is tired.. still not much energy yet... day by day i pray he will be ok den can faster can come back pei me hao hao... i v selfish to think this way like i juz think abt me and not abt him... becoz i want him to pei me longer even in audi... but in his condition now, he cant... juz 10mins or so he will grow tired... how to pei me long? how to hit our target... we lost alot alot alot of chances during the weekend... i noe i cant blame him but the pain of waiting to grow tired and slp and the pain of waiting for him to recover are horrible... everynight im spending it alone.. ending my night alone.. i have to watch drama to numb all the pain.. and to let the time pass by faster... if not will be a living hell... he said he will be ok and he told me last night let him rest ytd night as 1 last night den today can back to me.. but i was wif him the whole day walking alot! he sure will be tired and even request to ask if can do cbp earlier but i have to do another acct first den can start ours... from tat i can see he's tired and want off early... even if he can wait till im done, he cant stay long... i dun want to be disappointed and left alone again.. im tired of being alone... i want my normal days wif him back asap! baby say if i have prob den say all out but even myself feels irritated by myself as i alrdy said and complain too much.. even i say, does he noe how i feel? my weekends... all ruin... my smile gone... nvr ending worry.... not a single sec im not praying for his recovery.. today is the 4th day alrdy... i noe baby sick he also v cham have to suffer, but im also suffering.. he told me to relax but how can i? i have so many probs, one after another cont add up piling! soon can be mountain... i juz want some happy days... wif no worries... no probs.. no nth.. praying hard but cant seems to see it at all... i noe happy have to cont my life not happy also have to cont my life and i noe i should choose to be happy.. but when the nail really hits hard on ur flesh, is juz so hard to be happy and let everything go... and in juz 1 week, i have ard 2-3 probs pile up day by day... suffocating! i want breathe!!! where's my air???? where????

and now baby is online playing ard leaving me alone to rot and drama.. i drama to wait for all pain to end but instead he din even bother to come and look for me.. i dun even bother to watch the drama anymore... now even the drama cant numb my pain alrdy.... now im alone in a room...

waiting.......

waiting.........

waiting...........

:"(

and great audi server is down so he cant come find me... weekend and public holiday sure happen this shit! audi juz sux ttm! now baby if read le above post muz be thinking im a person who cant take stress, who is selfish... ya i am selfish... cant take stress.. but who will be willing to see loved ones suffer? who can stand to be alone the whole time??? of coz i also dun want baby to be so tired juz to wait for me... afterall he's sick... making him wait while sick is such a torture and horrible thing to him tat is y i keep show attitude, shoo him off to slp... my heart not willing to but i have no choice.... all i can do now is cont to.....

wait.....

wait......

wait........

Lonely weekend.....

2011-08-06T21:30:00.002+08:00

This week really bad bad week! Audi cpl so many prob end up no time to play much Wif me den baby is sick can't online... Juz now baby on during noon but he keep need run toilet and when he back jiu need go eat and rest le... I'm feeling all lonely facing everything alone... Day time baby resting I have no one to talk to or msg.. Nite time baby also resting I have no one to pei me... Audi cpl also busy Wif her things is like weekend normally is a nice day to play Wif Frenz and bf becOz have longer time but all juz Mia! Left me alone! I'm selfish becoz I told baby I dun want him sick and throw me aside again!! The feeling so not good! Worried upset and helpless... Every single sec I feel my heart so heavy... Feel so suffocated so gonna brk down anytime... I'm abt to brk into tears as I type this entry... Baby!! Faster recover!! I want to brk down alrdy!! Plz I beg u T.T

:(

2011-08-06T03:42:00.002+08:00

Hmmm today whole day Hao sad!! I din even luff for the whole day... Can't bring myself to luff.. I noe even if I luff, also v fake de.. I'm actually v worried abt baby and missing him badly... Is like he sick yet I can't do anything at all... Feel so useless oh... Today see baby for like a few hours but he was slping so we din talk dao... I got stress in the process and fa pi qi.. Not angry Wif baby of coz! Was angry Wif myself for can't do anything at all... So no choice have to shoo baby to go home becoz even he cont to slp at my house, he also won't recover de... :( so I send him to take taxi Wif a v heavy heart... Praying and praying he could get home safe and sound and of coz hope he can recover! Baby went for injection... And I think he having stomach flu becoz he diarrhea and vomit! @@ see baby like this Hao xin tong T.T faster recover!!! So i can see the irritating u again!!! T.T miss u ttm!! Baby Muacks!!! Get well soon!!!

Jinx!

2011-08-05T14:57:00.002+08:00

Am I a jinx?? Ever since baby and me tgt, he keep fall sick leh... :( I feel so sad...like I should not be Wif him at all like tat... D:
Baby ah baby u Hao Hao take care la u... :/ get well soon oh! I will be here to pray for u to get well soon :)

.... roller coaster 360 degrees!

2011-08-05T00:31:00.007+08:00

today i wake up late so my time for study actually shorten @@!! but i still manage to learn a bit of things la... at least got notes O_O!!!

anyway hao sad lor... hmmm once baby say, "so is my fault?" i jiu diam le... dun want talk liao.. hen shen qi!!! he say dao like he no wrong? ok la i naggy but he din let me noe he get wat i mean liao how i noe if he really get it or not? becoz the v last sentence he tell me is "so is my fault?" den he say i alrdy explain to him 3 times le so he get it but he still say tat sentence for? means he want tell me he no wrong wat... sigh... he is young i dun want him to use wrong words if not later he come out to real society to work and such, sure got prob de becoz his way of talking creates misunderstanding la... hen sad and qi lor haiz... den if like this i dun nag lor.. dun point out his mistake lor... i told him this he say im the one attitude??? sigh even more.... tell him, cannot, dun tell him, also cannot... wat he want la... =( i today actually quite good mood oh... ="( suan le... always say im his baby afterall yet still like this... i always feel i so lucky so good becoz i have baby wif me... even watch drama i see dao inside de cpl i also wont envy them le becoz i found mine.... but we almost everyday like this i start feel uncertain again liao... =( is it really ok for me to be in a r/s again? haiz... nvm lor.. i got nth to say liao.. if he find me fan le den say lor =( i wont fan him liao...

it nvr ends....

2011-08-03T02:06:00.003+08:00

ytd we celeb anni early becoz today my lesson end late... so i treat baby to aston since so long no eat alrdy... ytd was fine though... quite happy.....

i tot all the bad things will stop happening..... but im wrong? y wont they go away??? im trying to be optimistic alrdy... but y??? i juz dun get it....

每一天我都希望可以看到妹妹的改变.... 但是为什么越来越糟糕呢? 好担心啊!! 她几时才会变乖? ='(
"老天爷, 我请求您让我妹妹变乖一点, 懂事一点好吗??? 我不希望她长大后没前途, 我希望她可以幸福, 有一番作为... "

今天, 是我和baby的五个月纪念日, 还以为今天可能没那么倒霉, 可以开开心心过完这一天, 但是我又错了... 妹妹把我的心情弄得很难过, 可是我正在尽量把心情条理起来, 不料baby和我游戏里的伙伴都突然没动静, 就好像和自己玩没两样... 本来心情比较好了, 就因为大家突然不见, 把我又变得寂寞, 难过... 我生气的不是他们在忙, 而是要去忙都不通知我一下, 害我好像白痴一样, 和空气说话... 当他们回来了之后, 我都没心情跟他们说话了, 有时也忘了要说什么了... 然后就跟baby吵了起来.. 他说他不是故意看不到我跟他说话, 因为他看见我和伙伴正在聊天就去做别的东西... 然后说不知道错在哪里... 就这样, 我也懒得跟他吵下去了因为很累... 过了一下, 他就向我道歉... 我不知道他真的知道错在哪里, 还是不想让我矩续难过而跟我道歉.... 我希望不是第二个... 我知道有时我会无理取闹, 脾气不好, 也知道这样他会开始为难, 不知道该怎么办... 我很抱歉.. 但是这就是我啊! 我会尽量改掉我的坏脾气的....

哭了整个晚上，好累了，明天有早课, 该睡了... 晚安.....

im such a failure...

2011-07-30T12:57:00.002+08:00

i feel im failure.... looking at my sis's work, i feel so depress.. even my aunt also doubt my sis could make it to pass her psle... i feel i really fail as a sister.. i din do my part well.. causing her to do badly instead of doing well... we all fear she cant move on to secondary sch... is really v scary if tat happen.. now i juz hope she will really wake up and see wat she need to do... she has been lazying ard too much... and her exams is in ard 1 month ++ time... very worrying!!!!! =(

oh god! plz make my sis wake up and let her work hard for her studies if not her future will be gone... =(

i want spam here to get rid of emo!

2011-07-30T00:15:00.003+08:00

seems like baby soon will find me irritating... im emoing v often lately... my past scar juz sudden hurt again... and im worrying abt alot of things... im a person who is easily feel insecure... one little bit of words tat is not right i jiu will think v far or feel v down... im feeling tat im useless... trying to accept a new r/s yet keep feel insecure... im stupid! y cant my brain juz stop being emo? y cant my heart stop aching? is stupid feeling and i hate it! i always have to be v well assured den i will stop thinking too much but this way i am causing alot inconvenience to alot ppl esp baby...=(

baby is nice to me la but den sometimes his action abit too -.-! i dunno la... this is him and his way of behaving but sometimes juz abit too... sigh.... but oh well... xi guan jiu hao rite?? at least he still will behave la... but the smses he sent juz now really make me heartache becoz those are my fears!!!! im afraid!!!! i wish i can hide and dun come out as always... im timid! but no matter how i still have to face it! alot obstacles coming!!! i have to go thru all of them wif baby in order to reach my final happiness... i wish we can really reach tat final goal! no matter how hard i also want to jy! tgt wif u!

this weekend wont be meeting baby at all... both busy wif own things so i somehow have to get over it... wif lots and lots and lots of misses... and lunar 7th month coming le!!! baby rmb wat i say ah! fu muz always be wif u!!! oh! our 5th month anni coming too!!! but tat day lesson end so late so baby send me home jiu sayonara liao =/ sad but nvm la can see dao baby im still happy =)

baby, sorry for always making lots of nonsense.. i do feel bad and i juz cant help feeling tat way.. =( lastly, do take care during this weekend... even u are at home, still have to tc... love u and miss u~

O_O!

2011-07-28T02:02:00.002+08:00

on 26 july 2011, a special incident happen! i cant believe it though but it really happened! baby actually did something which no normal guys will do!!! he put down his dignity to seek for my forgiveness!!!! although he took quite long for tat "action" but i noe he mean it! i can feel baby truly treasure me! i was so touched! even though he ask me "you se me gan xiang" and i reply nth much but den deep in my heart im touched and feel bliss? hmmm after seeing him do tat, my anger can say gone liao... and intend to forgive him but NOT FULLY!!! unless he can prove to me tat he really will change! and i want see SOMETHING for the changes he will do...

WARNING TO BABY: baby ah baby, u ah dun take my this chance for granted ah... u should noe de ah and rmb all ur promises!!! keep to ur promises!!! if not jiu gg liao ah!!! hmmph!!!

ty for hurting me....

2011-07-26T02:36:00.003+08:00

this past 1 month, i have alot of probs coming at me... is like each prob is getting worse each time they come! i noe life have ups and downs but wat is this? im living a v tiring life now.... when will it end?

today i woke up hoping today i can enjoy my day wif my precious baby... today baby have test so lucky i still manage to wake up and wish him good luck.. so i get rdy and go out find baby becoz need bring him go see skin doc.. on my way to tampines, baby sms me say his test done so i feel happy he done le so i ask if all were ok.. he said all ok so i feel relieve... i rmb to ask him if he let his fren copy his paper.. (he did tat in the last test and almost got 0!) he told me he did! my heart sank! totally disappointed! he promised me he wont do it again! i was so furious! when i met him at the station, i got angry and ignore wat he do... he explain everything to me but i was still v angry... i noe my temper v horrible and baby noe it as well... im still sorry for having such bad temper... but is hard to change a temper.. esp when i lose control! so he told me tml will have another same test and told me he wont make same mistake again... my trust for him was dropping!! but i think i should give him another chance so i juz scolded him and let it past...

den we went to see doc and eat chicken rice... after tat we went to bedok sheng shiong to shop... when we were getting rdy to go back after eating our ice cream, we saw elaine and wat a surprise she gave me! she said she broke up wif aaron @@! we chatted along the way until kallang... baby told me his mama wanna talk to me and i tot muz be something bad... feeling stress the whole time until we reach my house below... lucky is juz his mama want me help remind him on certain things.. i feel so much better @@!!!

we went home and put baby bag den we set off to the temple to pray.. was hot and sunny!!! after we done, i was jelly all over... so in the end we went home and fell aslp! i slept till 6pm, woke up watch tv and get rdy to cook the pasta we get from sheng shiong... the pasta turn out horrible... baby have to force the horrible thing down his throat... feeling so bad for cooking such horrible thing for baby to eat.. den my ah ma came home wif angry face scolding and cursing my sis.. this is when i start to feel stress again... i was wondering if she will turn to me and scold me as well... later tat, we went inside the room to lie down and chat a little..

as we lie, i feel so sad thinking tat during 7th month we cant meet often becoz is dangerous to be out late... but the feeling of cant see baby makes me drop tears... i love him too much. i keep thinking i cant be so selfish, not care abt baby's safety... but my heart was aching badly... so i decided to go down and chat wif baby.. be4 we went down, my sis throw me temper when i ask her to do her work.. feeling so failure as a sister, i burst into tears when we reached downstairs.. i actually felt better after crying and we witness a car accident.. not fatal or injury... juz poor motobike spoilt! so we went back up looking at my neighbour's hamster... each time i see them, i will miss my hamster tat had died 1 yr ago.. =(

of coz we wont be seeing them for long so we went back to the staircase and chatted.. after tat we parted... so at home, i play my comp while waiting for baby... and finally was home! he went to bath and ate kiwi and chatted wif his mama... i feel glad becoz his mama showed some small signs of accepting me alrdy.. so was in quite a good mood but den baby went to play cooking mama until forget time? this is wat i tot so i got angry again... i noe i v xiao qi always angry... i dun want this as well but my temper really hard to control @@!! after baby told me he was actually chatting wif his mama i jiu nvr blame him or anything liao.. but instead he say until like i force him to quit tat game... actually i was juz waiting for him to say 'sorry' to me instead of telling me all those nonsense.. i was waiting for him the whole time so i juz want a sorry tat is all... so i kept quiet in audi see if he have any action.. and finally he apologise... but he make it sound like i want him to quit tat game so i got angry again... and during the middle he mention of a gal... which he always jk abt like he and she will wat wat wat... even if is in jk manner, listen long alrdy also will feel zzzz.... actually he can still tell me abt wat happen.. juz tat i wont change my view of tat gal becoz i really dun like her since the very beginning! den i dunno wat happen slowly evolve into more sad happenings... baby told me he lied to me abt tml test juz to want make me feel better for the morning issue.... at tat v moment, i pause, stunned! wat is happening? y he muz do this to me? am i not worth him to tell me truth? my heart felt like it was pierce by millions and millions of needles or swords!! aching and tight! i was hoping all were juz a dream and i can wake up into reality but im wrong... im alrdy in reality! the cruel reality! deep down, im hurt!!! badly!!! this is the first time he hurt me this badly! im at lost... i wanted to juz offline and hide somewhere!!! i wish i can dig a hole and hide inside nvr to come out again... from this, i realised i actually love him v v v v deep! long root have alrdy implanted him into my heart deep down! in the end i chose to let it go.. becoz wat's done is alrdy done... i cant revert back the clock to change anything alrdy... i juz noe im tired... i want to hide... i want to run away... so i din cont to say anything... baby should noe wat to do from now on... i juz dun want care anymore!

this is how i ended my day... a really 'wonderful' day!! and i suddenly feel im such a failure, as a gf and as a sister... i failed to do my part well... i think, is time i do something abt it also.............

I can't slp !!!!!!!

2011-07-22T04:25:00.004+08:00

Today disaster -.-!!!! I can't slp for whole Night flipping and flipping and guess Wat??? It is happening again now!!! I want slp but i can't! Wat is this??? D= den when I not enuf slp, I jiu headache, temper go super horrible!! OMG la!!! I dun want tml like today angry baby and vent anger on him la!!! Guilty feeling and horrible ttm!!! -.-!!! Anyway baby I'm sorry for venting my frustration on u :( and Ty for tolerating my bad temper.... :x

Ok den ah I found a blog of a gal tat is my baby de audi ex cpl and now de cpl de blog!!! Lol so accidental de lor :x maybe can show baby since he love to stalk ppl's blog -.-!!! Den I show baby me and my ex de blog den he jiu keep ;dan at me partly he feel my ex v OMG? Lol!!! Den call him pork O.O!!!!! Lolololol!!!! Hahaha!!!! Den as I read my tat old blog I realise how immature I was and how I grow in tat old r/s... Uhhhh nvm!! Since alrdy past jiu dun go think becoz I have baby now!!! That is more than enuf for me!!!

Today I also got meet my Hao Jie mei!!! Lady!!!! Lol!!! I ask her for help for baby de prob :x den lady today take alot pic Wif my gloomy and torture my gloomy!!! @@ epic lor hahaha!!! After that baby jiu send me home le lor... Den since Ytd we discover my one lvl down de neighbor got a lot hamsters!!!! OMG all so cute lor!!! I miss my hamster name 'baby'.... Haha baby always say he not hamster if I mention my 'baby' lol!!!

Hmmm I juz hope all will be ok la and baby de exam coming Liao!!!!! U better jy ah!!!!! For our future that we promised each other!!! Gambatte!!!! ^^ love u baby Muacks!!! I shall try to flip and slp again D=

Mix feelings....

2011-07-21T03:18:00.003+08:00

Hmmm I sometimes wonder y humans so pratical??? When they woo u, they can do anything juz for u!!! They even say they love u and will wait for u till the end of days... But wat I see was wrong? Becoz there is this 'someone' who once said same thing but wat happen now??? He juz poof and go missing! No news no nth!!! 难道当不成情侣，朋友也不能当? Sad rite? Hate such ppl! As in his only aim is juz only want cpl! -.-!!! Cannot have Frenz like tat -.-!! Horrible!

Ok as for my audi life~ well still ok? Reaching Max soon haha!! 2rings oh lol!!! Can't wait for it!!! ^^

Ok my love life still ok also... Baby v love me, care me!!! And during Monday baby fainted!!! Worry ttm even now I also worry!!! Feeling so guilty as in like my fault making baby lack of slp @@ I'm horrible lor :( juz hope baby won't faint again if not I will worry until want stick him 24 hrs!!!! D=

Ok I think tat is all for now :) Nites!!!!

sad? happy?

2011-06-23T04:27:00.000+08:00

i'm so gonna "twist.lick.dunk." u!!!! *evil laughs*

hahaha.... i juz went to hk on 6th june and shopping ah!!! but juz be4 i go hk i get my result leh and is horrible aaaa!!! fail @@ retake retake retake and i have to say bye bye to my uni pals becoz diff path liao haiz... y i so stupid? =( aiya nvm wat's done alrdy done so have to move on... juz rmb cannot make same mistake jiu hao la... =X

happy de leh is hahaha!!!! my ring in audi high high high le =D one lvl 60 going max liao another juz love party la 51 le hahaha!!! the lvl 51 de v epic la... 4months plus nia jiu lvl 51???? siao hor??? @@ hahaha.... nvm =D

ok la juz a v short post sharing my feelings =X lalalala~

人类为什么那么矛盾

2011-04-06T02:48:00.002+08:00

hmm... sometimes ppl dun say wat they feel... v weird hor? ppl always say nvm, is ok, go ahead... but den in their heart they dun feel it tat way... one v basic example, when a guy say he want to do something which actually the gal dun wanna the guy to do it but ended up the gal say is ok and ask the guy go ahead wif his plan... den the gal will den feel really sad as she dun want the guy to do it... but also at the same time she will feel guilty if she stop the guy from doing wat he wants... isn't it v confusing???

ok back to me...

at first i tot all were planned out well... i hate it when ppl disrupt my plan... i seriously hate last min changes becoz it juz mess everything up and will make me lose my temper... and i hate losing my temper becoz it will spoil my image... ARGHHH!!! ok so back to it... i tot all planned well but den suddenly tat person juz say, "hey i want do something else liao..." i was like wth??? i tot all planned out alrdy? i was so piss... but i try tolerate so i said is ok go ahead... but deep down v disappointed.. zzzzz... i noe if i ask tat person dun do it, tat person will really dun do it but den i noe tat person really wish to do it so erm i will feel damn guilty la.... im not trying to tell everyone im v noble or wat... juz tat i hate to force ppl also... juz v v v v contradicting la!!! hate this me... i hate this feeling... arghhh kill me plz... or i so wish i can juz dig a hole and hide inside and dun come out.... zzzzz.... nvm... forget it... now blog out tml will be better and forget it...

ok i shall end my posting here....

shower of tears....

2011-02-13T22:22:00.002+08:00

wat is life?

y is this world unfair?

y is it tat the one closest to u always hurt u the most?

im so foolish... maybe i should not even lecture my sis at all... y should i even care so much? in the eyes of my family, they think i black heart, i useless... ok lor... i bad lor... den i think i should really turn bad and dun care lor... wat for i care so much when they dun even appreciate it? juz heck care la... =(

ppl always told me be contented wif wat i have... i have... im contented... but content is one thing, being preassurize is another thing... im even scared to go home... tat is y i go out often... even im at home, i always hide in my room becoz outside is juz too messy... i will have no peace once i step out... i will have huge responsibility tat is going to be shouldered on me once i step into working life...

many say they all have their probs too... this i agree la... every person will have own probs de ma juz see how big or small or how they solve the prob only... imagine the whole family is against u... wow!!! pain!!!! it juz hurts so much becoz they are the closest to me? i noe this always happen to me but my papa de case? he blamed me too... but he should ask himself also... did he ever did his part as a father? he juz shout at us say he is our father so he can educate us... but he din do anything since we were born... haiz.....

well i found some quotes to make myself feel better and muz thx a person who call me and actually listen to me and trying to help me find solutions... =)

quotes:
-"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. "
(yea... so i should juz forget this nonsense bah... =/)

-"There are two ways of meeting difficulties. You alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them. "
(well i chose to alter myself since there is really nth much i can do)

-"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
(alot small ppl in my house! so i muz keep away from them D=)

2011-02-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

eww!!!!!! i walk whole tpy no have print shop??? ARGHHHH and my printer not usable due to no ink and the installer not compatible wif the windows i using now!!!! ARGGGHHHHH sian.... cant print things... and now need save moneyyyy....... save save save..... D= suddenly hen fed up... sch starting, den keep sick sick sick... arghhh.... wat yr is this!!!!! lousy yr!!!! =(

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............ sian D=

shaolin! XD

2011-01-27T17:34:00.003+08:00

hehe~ went to watch Shaolin with hui ytd~ v nice show but abit bloody D= and this show v touching too~ it shows the spirit of Shaolin!!!! dun care is bad or good ppl they will still help and defend the good! woot!!! nice!!!! love it!!! haha... oh ya be4 the movie we went to shop for shoes... for hui de becoz mine alrdy bought liao hahaa.. nice shoe she bought~ suddenly love to shop alot lately~ hmmm.... part of being an adult? hahahaha....

=D happy~

2011-01-25T01:37:00.003+08:00

weeeeeeeeeee~ today meet hui go shopping oh~ we walk whole orchard wor @_@ feel ps make hui feel so tortured =X but in the end we each bought a bottom hahaha... she bought a short and me bought a skirt ^-^ oh and of coz i bought a lip stick *shy* pink de wif watermelon smell O.o cute eh? hahahhahaa.... today see many things and human on the way... eye can open v big le O.O becoz some are juz so weird @_@ and of coz chatted alot hehehe.... so happy sia.... hohoho~ den home le play audi also v happy... hahaha... hope everyday also like this happy =D

RAWRRRRRRRR

2011-01-23T21:20:00.003+08:00

RAWR!!!!!!!!! ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!! dun misunderstand me!!!! dun accuse me la!!!! ewwww!!!!!!!!! angry die u RAWR!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.............. spam die u D= DUN WORRY I WONT DO IT IN FRONT OF U!!! HMPH!!!!!! U SO BAKA!!!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!!

new skin ^_^

2011-01-22T04:21:00.000+08:00

Have been spending time changing and updating my blog wif new skin and songs!!! now my blog sound like in CLUB but look sweet!! LOL!!! funny sia... anyway now my home still ok bah... my ah ma came back to bedroom and slp le.. my parents decided to slp in the living room... so ok bah... i'm sort of back to my own life la juz added them in lor... @_@!!! looking at the time now.... WAH... so late alrdy~ muz slp liao plus headache due to find "disco" song x.x!!! nites all!! =)

FML!

2011-01-05T22:15:00.001+08:00

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my life sux to the core at this v moment!!! u noe y it sux? becoz it sux!!!!!! this stupid place call home!!! is this even a home??? I DUN THINK SO!!!! this is call a MENTAL HOSPITAL or should i say A RETARDED HOUSE!!!!! onli for RETARDS to live in!!! i live in it does not mean im a retard. is becoz im being force to live in such environment! y are ppl here RETARDS??? becoz they got NO BRAINS TO THINK!!! ppl here PRAY TO A GOD CALL USELESS!!! yes!!! and who am i talking abt? YES!!! MY PARENTS!!! to the RETARD, my parents ARE GOD!!!! onli THE GOD can bring the RETARD happiness... y am i saying so? BECOZ THE RETARD IS BIAS!!!! THE RETARD tot the GOD is everything to her... ya rite... i can vomit!!! wat have the GOD done for the RETARD???? let's see.... THE GOD ASK MONEY FROM THE RETARD!!! so this is how GODLY it is!!! so does it mean tat IF I ASK MONEY FROM RETARD, DEN I'M GOD TOO??? the ans is NO!!!! THE RETARD onli care abt the USELESS GOD OF HERS... seriously rite? hear liao also piss rite? such ppl she so love and care. den we these working hard providing her de ppl leh? wat are we call? WE ARE CALL THE BADDIE!!! yes we are BADDIE to her!!! to her we are HARMFUL!!! our existance cause HARM to her.. so she want to GET RID OF US!!! yea!!!! come GET RID LOR!!! i can tell u RETARD!! U WILL REGRET IT!!!! y am i saying so? BECOZ I GONNA STUDY HARD, GET A CERT AND WORK HARD and in the end EARN BIG BUCKS!!! den u will have nth to say abt me wanting to cont to study!!! i study is for myself yes i agree but also for u leh RETARD!!! if i dun work hard now, next time no money to support u U NOE???? U TRY USE UR BRAIN AND THINK LA!!! WHO TREAT U GOOD WHO TREAT U LIKE SHIT U BETTER OPEN UR EYES AND SEE WHEN THE GODS MOVE IN!!! WISH U LUCK RETARD!!!

pissssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-16T18:43:00.000+08:00

V V V V ANGRY!!!! I SERIOUSLY IS V ANGRY!!! THIS HOME IS SERIOUSLY A MAD HOUSE!!!! DO WAT ALSO WRONG.... I ALRDY TOLERATE ALOT... I ALRDY TRY HELP ALOT... I SERIOUSLY DID MY BEST... BUT Y I ALWAYS DO DE THING END UP TURN OUT SO WRONG??? TOLERATE ALSO GOT LIMIT DE LOR... THEY ALWAYS WANT ME BE GUAI AT HOME WANT ME LISTEN... I ALRDY DO LE MA... WAT ELSE THEY WANT??? IS NOT LIKE I NVR DO ANYTHING AT HOME... I CAN DO DE I JIU DO LOR... THINGS I CAN DO ALSO V LIMIT... THERE IS LIMIT TO EVERYTHING DE MA... I NOT GOD... I NOT SUPERWOMAN...

EVERYONE I NOE ARE TELLING ME TO TOLERATE... I DID!! I REALLY DID!!! I TRIED!!! BUT THEY CANT EXPECT ME TO JUZ BOTTLE ALL UP DE MA... TAKE BOTTLE AS EXAMPLE, BOTTLE IF FULL LE WILL SPILL OUT DE MA... I ALRDY ADULT LE... I HAVE MY DIGNITY ALSO... AND NO ONE LOVES TO BE SCOLDED WIF VULGAR!!! NO ONE!!! NO ONE LOVES TO BE CURSED ALSO... ESP BEING CURSE BY UR LOVED ONES... IT ACTUALLY BRK THE HEART... IS NOT GOOD FOR BODY ALSO... CAN MAKE A PERSON V V V DEPRESS...

I CANT WAIT FOR MY HOLIDAY... I WANT GET OUT OF HERE... I WANT TO RELAX MYSELF FROM ALL THIS PAIN... I WANT BE HAPPY AGAIN..... ='(

O_O =O =.=

2010-10-06T03:55:00.000+08:00

hmmm... have been playing alot audi again? den audi got new mode wor!! guitar mode... same as guitar hero lor... den dunno y audi want put this mode... so many things to press... =.=!! maybe audi want our finger faster nua? LOL!! anyway the mode not v bad la... juz too busy pressing... haha... ok la slp time! nite!!!

below are some picture of guitar mode! erm i dun ss de... is i grab online =x

so longggg

2010-09-30T03:03:00.000+08:00

LOL so long no blog liao... hmmm drop by and blog a little~

recently quite chiong audi bah becoz ring is getting nicer and lp getting more =X den sch also quite stress bah... feel many things i cant understand... and so many things to learn and rush =X life seems so... i dunno... hectic and non hectic?? LOL btw i juz pass my driving last monday (20 sept) not bad ah and get to drive once on my aunt's car... maybe drive ard 5mins +? LOL!!! scary feeling~ anyway i cant wait to get my own iphone4 D= need wait till oct 12 den my line expire... sian!!!! nvm i will get hold of it de!!! hahahaha!!!!

a nice vid to share which i like the song and the anime inside =D

baby RIP bah....

2010-06-19T20:14:00.001+08:00

my hamster "baby" died... is so sad. my most bao bei de baby died.... heart hao pain oh... i cant even see it for the last time... T_T

baby~ u muz always rmb mommy love u ok?? rest in peace and hope u can have a good afterlife... baby~ mommy wont forget u de... ='(

25-12-2008 ~ 19-06-2010

=x

2010-04-22T15:14:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... sometimes life is juz too sux....

ppl can treat u unfairly..

ppl can take u for granted...

many ppl dun put themselves in other ppl's shoe..

they behave so self-centered...

their behaviour can hurt ppl ard them...

many told me life is nvr fair.. well i agree wif them..

certain things happen and u are the victim yet another person will juz show all the attitudes at u.. after tat issue is over, they wont apologise to u.. instead, they want u to apologise for wat happen... is so ridiculous isn't it? u are the victim which dun even noe wat or how it happen at all and was drag in unwillingly and yet have to say sorry for wat happen? is totally weird... well saying sorry for wat happen is still ok. but den tat person who show attitude should apologise too.. rite??? becoz the victim was hurt by their mistrust and hurtful words... but den no use be so calculative anymore since tat person wont admit mistake.. juz let everything heal on its own wif a longer period of time.. =x

DAMN U! SHIT U!!! DIE U!!!!

2010-03-29T21:18:00.000+08:00

BLOODY HELL!!! THINK I SUPER HERO TAT FLASH AH??? U TOT I ONLI NEED TO COPY AND PASTE?? YA COPY AND PASTE!!! DEN HUNDREDS OF ERRORS LA~ DAMN U!!!! DUN ACT NOBLE JUZ BECOZ U SACRIFICE UR WEEKEND! HELLO I SACRIFICE SO MANY WEEKEND AND NIGHT FOR UR STUPID PROJ! WAT WE GET?? GET F*** FROM U!!! GO EAT SHIT LA!!! CHANGE THIS AND TAT.... U PRO U DO LA... ONLI NOE HOW TO SAY SAY SAY... CAN DO? U DUN EVEN CHECK IF IS REALLY WORKING OR IF MY METHOD IS CORRECT... WAIT TILL LAST MIN DEN TELL ME IS WRONG WAY TO CODE... SAY EARLIER LA... I NVR GET EXTRA PAY FOR THIS STUPID PROJ LEH!!! HUH??? NO PAY YET HAVE TO SLOG WEEKEND AND ALL MY NIGHT FOR U!!!! F*** U LA!!! IF ANYTHING HAPPEN TO ME I MAKE SURE I SUE U TILL U DIE!!! DAMN BLOODY F***ER!!!!

=O

2010-03-25T16:34:00.000+08:00

wah win liao lor~ tat wee ask me recode the thing tat means need redo again lor.... say fri tat client come down look.... onli 2 days to do? and now full of errors... i really head big big liao~ haiz... go bang wall better i think... these few days i really damn tired... dunno y also... i can slp anywhere and anytime... so omg lor...

den juz now so bo liao go calculate how much money will be needed to prepare for wedding... haha~ shocking sia.... no 50k i think dun need wedding liao hahahaha..... but oh well this is still far for me lala~ calculate for shuang de since there are a few ppl getting ROM or marry ard me also... so dun anyhow think ah~ haha...

guys are fools!!

2010-03-22T12:24:00.000+08:00

guys make thinking so complicated..

sometimes i ask myself.... why are there guys? is it juz for the sake of having child? or becoz having guys to make us gals feel different? well i feel yes guys really show us how we gals are different from them..

first, guys are beast~ they onli want to satisfy themselves and be happy themselves.. they will seldom care for how others will feel.. to them, as long they are satisfied, they wont care abt the things ard them... they can turn anyone away.. but if they are not satisfy, they will show u all sorts of attitude, to make u as miserable as them...

second, i feel guys are really blockheads... no brain one... they onli think abt wat is going to happen now and wont give their future a serious tots... they onli want to make themselves happy... they dun really use brain to think... to them thinking is such a hard work... might kill ALL THEIR BRAIN CELLS if they think... =.=!!! guys can suddenly tell u they tot of something but actually we gals will think their something is actually useless or brainless... they juz tot of something and TOT IT MIGHT WORK WELL!! in fact as wat others see, it is juz a v stupid way and onli brainless ppl will come out wif... for example, they tot buying something from others might be cheaper but in actual fact the brand new one is actually cheaper... =.=!!! they dun even check the pricing.. dots!!! another case, they guy keep plan and and plan but nvr tot of wat obstacle will there be... end up push all the blames on others saying we did not did a good job! SO STUPID OF THEM!!!

thirdly, they dun like nags from gals.. ok this i can understand but they wont noe tat actually we gals nag at them is for their own good. if we dun care for them, y should we even waste our precious time and saliva on them!?!? they should listen to us too becoz we do more logical thinking... we help them analyse the probs and we even help them solve the prob.. but in the end, they wont appreciate ur help... most of them wont even say thank you.. this is so pathetic.. =.=!!

so hereby i declare most guys are actually fools... not aiming all but i juz saying those tat i noe tat are ard me... and most of them are like this! MOST OF THEM!!!!

LOL

2010-03-15T02:11:00.000+08:00

this face is omg? ROFL!!! and is gal char =.=!!

omg wat is this? faint!!!

this guy here is la bi xiao xin? LOL!!

had fun in audi haha... but work is zzz... weekend burn becoz of work D= but i manage to solve one huge prob~ lala~ can prove to tat wee i can do it......

tarot readings

2010-02-18T12:06:00.000+08:00

visited a tarot web which i found quite true...

1. How you feel about yourself now (The Fool)

You feel discontent or uneasy and feel a need for a change in your life, a new direction, perhaps even an adventure. You might not know where you want to go, just that you don't want to stay where you are. It's a time for optimism and major decisions - unexpected influences could have a powerful effect on your decision making. Ask yourself, is what you desire really the right thing for you?

2. What you most want at this moment (Justice)

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is for a fair and right outcome whether it concerns relationships or business affairs. You feel that you are in the right and that any decision or agreement to be made should be in your favour.

3. Your fears (The Emperor)

You are feeling that success is just around the corner but it feels elusive, just out of reach. You are concerned that the support and help that you want from your father, husband/partner or a man of significance in your life won't materialise. Trust and ask for the help you need, and success will be yours.

4. What is going for you (The Chariot)

Drive, drive, drive, that's what's going for you. You certainly aren't a quitter that's for sure. The appearance of The Chariot tells of conflicts ending in victory, so don't give up, battle on and you will succeed. This is a time of movement and change. Expect a journey relating to work, and if you've had you're eye on that car, it will soon be yours.

5. What is going against you (The Hierophant)

You are simply struggling to conform to others expectations of you and everybody has an opinion of what you should do. Perhaps you are having a crisis of faith and are unsettled at a very spiritual level. Ask yourself who you really are? What is important to you? What makes you happy? Seek out advice or wise counsel if you wish, but accepting who you really are and going after what you want instead of what others want for you is the most important.

6. Outcome (The Hermit)

This is a time for you to be alone or may herald a time of loneliness. Take this time for quiet introspection and rest. Don't worry you will find the answers, but the Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.

i feel the 5th de most suit me.. D=

unseens stress!!!!

2010-02-18T02:31:00.000+08:00

arghhh!!!! stress!!!! all the stress coming to me tgt!!!! i need air to breathe!!!! i need space!!! suffocating!!!! i dunno how long more i can tahan le!!! all are crushing me to pieces!!!! i dunno how alrdy!!!! arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! im tired!!! really v v v tired!!!! always trying to do my best so no one can fault me. i always care how ppl look at me but i nvr really care how i look at myself!!! certain stress maybe good but too many can crush me to death!!! all were thinking my stress is nth at all but do they noe i am really stress???? today i saw my fren cry becoz of her proj, i feel like crying too becoz i am facing same prob but i tell myself i have to be strong and end up comfort her... but when im stress and feel like crying, im always alone.... i hope ppl ard me will give some tots abt how i feel... sometimes ppl put their perfections on me and hoping me to accomplish it... but muz see where is my limit!!! dun push all to me like im a wonder woman!! im juz an ordinary person! im not made of steel! i have emotions! i have feelings!! dun crush me to pieces!!!! and dun ignore me when i need them to be by my side.. give me some support!

wat is my life for? ='(

2010-02-16T20:19:00.001+08:00

well i tot today i will be able to enjoy myself wif my frenz... but one sms from my aunt which destroy all my mood.. cried alot today... i cried and cried wondering y my aunt who have spend 20 yrs wif me, still dun understand me...

i said i go out wif frenz den she ask me who.. i noe my wrong forgot tell her bryan is ard.. but den everytime i go out, she will ask who i go out wif, or go where.. if i say is wif someone she dun like, she will give comments which i end up no mood to go out... i have nvr intend to lie to her... she is the closest kin i have and tot she will understand me best. but den the one who hurt me the most is also her... she have nvr trusted me.. if she understand me, she will noe i am v selective wif my frenz.. i dun anyhow mix wif ppl.. as long i feel tat person is no good, i wont trust tat person or even be fren.. sometimes i envy hui.. her parents trusted her, give her the space and privacy she need... i need one too... i juz hope she will noe me more... alot of my frenz all asking me y my family still tie me so tightly? some even laugh at me... and i feel is so unfair to me and my frenz... they want be my frenz yet they are also stress... im everytime rushing to get home early, always doing things to make my family happy.. got once, my fren ask me, wat is it tat i really want in life or live for? i cant answer becoz all along, my family always protected me from harm and any bad things... i noe they dote on me and scare i will be hurt. i understand them so tat is y i always listen to them, make sure they no need worry for me... but i need their understanding too.. i have my life too... i wish to walk my path also... i feel like ask them, if compare me to other gals of my age, am i still not good enuf? wat is it they want from me? i really dunno... sometimes im juz tired.. i wish to have my space, even if it is juz tat small space, i will be contented.. i wish they will onli help me when i really really need their help. i wish to learn to grow up.. i wish to take a step out of my protective circle. to explore and grow! i noe they love me alot but i cant always be keep inside tat protective circle. juz like a bird. young bird will grow and eventually fly to explore. if u insist to keep it by ur side or tie it, it will be hurt or even die.. ppl will grow up eventually. im in a stage of grow up alrdy. if i want to learn bad, long ago would have done so, y wait till now? i alrdy noe, wat is can be done and wat cannot be. i wish my family would trust me even more! i need their TRUST and SUPPORT. i will still want them to stay by me when i need them, if i can manage, i hope they will let me handle. even for my frenz situation, my aunt said she scare i will be cheated but i can say, i dun trust ppl easily. i doubt almost everyone, sometimes i doubt my family too.. is hard for me to trust ppl.

haiz.. i noe they love me, and i love them too.. i really do love them alot! ='(

bloggie

2010-02-16T04:28:00.000+08:00

LOL so long no blog liao... busy wif work ohh.... stress leh... one supervisor give 2 projects siao lor... wonder how i am going to do sia... anyway me went in audi wif hui on 12midnight 16 feb haha.... so long no play tgt le and we super high haha....

made new record for myself ohh... 40 perf haha... nice and is last game oh... XD

btw hui improve le.. can do fm for 130 songs leh... nice =D zoo outing tml so we all v high haha...

hoping for happy forever XD

tired again =.=!!!

2010-01-11T17:10:00.000+08:00

wow working in nyp can be v slack but also stress.... slack time is the best!!!! nth to do, juz surf net and do watever things i wanna do... when project or event come, wah!!! have lots to do..

juz finished last week's poly open house.. was so damn tired la... den tot can rest a bit alrdy until juz now i read my email... =.=!!! i saw my name and another DT's name on the nomination list for JAE!!! wah!!!! i was like OMG! HELP ME PLZ!!!! =.=!!! so tired alrdy lor... yet have to cont wif more shifts of work... Ahhhhhh!!!!!

well, sometimes i see my frenz photo in fb wif their cpl.. look so sweet tgt, i tend to feel sort of sad... partly is becoz of the pain i went thru, and partly, i feel lonely... although there are ppl woo-ing me but i cant seem to get any feel... i keep tell myself dun rush, take my time, but the loneliness wont go away.. of coz i wont accept anyone for now la becoz im afraid i will be hurt again... but sometimes, is hard to control... when u step into a relationship, is hard to pluck urself out even though u have broken up.. i dun mean i cant let go of tat person, wat i mean is relationship is like drug, once u step into a r/s, and once u single again, is hard to balance alrdy becoz too use to having someone beside me... sometimes, i wish there is this fate of my life beside me when i need him... my family always say im too young for a r/s. i noe wat they mean. they dun wish to see me get hurt and choose the wrong person.. but sometimes, when love come, is hard to avoid... i dun wish to be treated like im still a teenager.. im no longer a kid... i suddenly feel im walking towards oldness as my thinking is actually quite mature.. alot ppl tot i still think like a kid but in fact, i think v far, and think alot. i think of wat is good and bad for me.. but sometimes, i wish time could stop so i can rest for awhile, running away from facts becoz life is always so cruel..

some quotes..

2009-12-29T11:43:00.000+08:00

well today i searched for some quotes and wish to share....

-"Maybe some people just aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and that's why they're here. . . you'll have that gift forever."

-" I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin. For that is the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets."

-" Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

-" Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

-" Maybe part of loving is learning to let go."

-" It takes a minute to like someone, and hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a life time."

o.o

2009-12-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

>_< we had our night picnic in suntec city... went there quite late den buy alot sushi and sashimi to eat... end up full like siao... =.=!! hope can have more such family gathering... my 2nd aunt going back to sweden soon.. =x haiz....

waiting...

2009-12-23T11:17:00.000+08:00

D= waiting is a terrible feeling... waiting for a person to contact me also is torturing de... tat person promised to return me the days tat he cant meetup wif me... but seems like he cant make it today le T_T he asked me to take half day off but up till now heard nth from him.... T_T where are u????? plz call me soon.... T_T

ZZ x3

grrrr....

2009-12-21T01:38:00.000+08:00

dunno how to say liao... feel v v v angry.... he angry jiu can show me attitude meh! wth! anyhow angry me... damn!!! so ungentleman at all! still say wont angry at me or wat! walao! show attitude liao still nvr realise his mistake and no apologise wif me... really really mad at him! dun want talk to him liao! he dun apologise, dun come and talk to me... =(

haiz...

2009-12-17T14:41:00.001+08:00

well i dunno y everytime come in blog is when im moody... when will i not moody again D=

well... alot ppl will noe tat i hate ppl who cant keep promises... and i will want certain ppl to take initiative... some ppl damn one! need ask or tell them den they will do certain things.. even sometimes u tell them wat to do liao, they can last min tell u dun want or cant.. so stupid lor... when i need someone, no one is there de.. when they need someone, im always there de... so unfair... i really need someone who i can lean on now... am i asking too much?

this is wat i learn and i will folo it:

--"Remember that you can not change anyone or control their choices. They do know what they are missing out on, and this is their problem, not yours. Let it go."

--"The first step to better times is to imagine them."

zzz...

2009-12-11T08:48:00.000+08:00

well sometimes i feel zzz.... y? not becoz i want to slp la... is becoz life got this weirdo... =.=!!! sometimes i do wrong, i did not realise so normally got ppl tell me den i noe got wrong... den i say sorry sincerely... but always have this prob, tat person will argue and argue until tat person no mood and me also no mood... i alrdy say sorry... say dao so sincerely liao... tat person do wrong say sorry always not sincere one... i say until so sincerely liao but still kerna blame non stop sia... wth lor.. i noe i got wrong liao.. i lower my tone of voice, say sorry alrdy.. wat else sia... =.=!!! get the hell out of it and move on la... go find better things to do and move on alrdy... i want to move on too... stop showing stupid attitude at me alrdy... grrrr.....

busy life....

2009-12-09T08:57:00.000+08:00

well these few days quite busy and tired oh =O

busy wif? of coz is work loh... so many things to do... need demo new things also.. need setup presentation for lecturer.. den need cont my project which i dunno when will end.. @_@!!! but ok la... busy den can keep me occupied lor.. but hehe.... i rather slack whole day =P but i noe is impossible la haha....

well my aunt is coming back soon... weeee..... so miss her and my little cousin.. XD can squeeze wif my cousin le.... XD den can celebrate bday for my cousin also... haha...

well i nth to say liao =x better get back to do some work... post again soon...

@_@!!!

2009-12-01T15:35:00.000+08:00

well life seems so tough nowadays... and i really realise guys are hard to trust... they can say they love u but i doubt so... they juz want to be wif u not for love but for ur body.. seeing so many examples of fren going crazy, suffering depression makes me feel tat relationship is scary esp wif "beast"!!! now i keep wonder.. should i ever go into a relationship again? is so scary until i wish to stay single for life... i noe there is this "someone" still waiting for me but well... i can say i wont be ready for the next relationship.. maybe it might take me years to think thru properly.. =x

and i think i gonna be dead alrdy... my supervisor keep say client is coming to see our project.. i tried doing it but still errors!!!! =.=!!! and client haven come.. LOL!!!! haiz... faster over leh.. hate this stupid project grrr.....

tired.. =(

2009-11-26T13:24:00.000+08:00

well my work is stressfull... i tot the projected ended but end up need do some major changes be4 showing to the client.. sian lor.. den dunno y the codes like cant work one... den position like change alot... trying to set position le... =(

dunno can cont like this or not... @_@!! juz hope faster over la... so many things to worry and stress... and end up become kind of moody liao... i dun wish to be like this leh.. haiz...

hope tml will feel better ='(

should i stand under the grown up category? or kid category?

2009-11-23T09:48:00.001+08:00

haiz.. something sad happen... i am alrdy 20 yrs old yet i cant make my own decisions... i noe wat im doing... haiz... i noe my aunt care abt me and treats me like a daughter.. but i really wish to have some freedom of my own too... i dun wish her to be over protective... i shall tell u y i post this..

ytd night, my aunt came into my room and started scolding me.. reason being tat i added too many unknown ppl in facebook. i was like OMG!!! this she also want scold me?? but prob is those ppl add me for applications onli.. they want to have more neighbours in their applications so can earn more exp and money.. i noe she is worried tat i will be scammed by online baddies.. i noe there are alot of cases and is all over the news.. but i noe wat im doing.. i wont meet them.. i am old enuf to think wat is right and wat is wrong, and wat is can be done and wat is not.. being over protective wont help me much also becoz i wont learn.. i wish to make my own decisions sometimes becoz it is my path.. this is my life.. i lead my life..

i really hope my aunt could give me some space on my own.. i dun wish her to be over protective to me even till im 30 yrs old... i really noe she loves me alot.. i love her too becoz she is like a mother to me.. i always hope she is well and can be there for me but sometimes, i juz need a time on my own too.. ='(